from my journal for June 10<\/p>\n
One of the dances we did was Broken Hallelujah.\u00a0 When we go into the center we are reaching out to our broken parts.\u00a0 I have been imagining that I don\u2019t have any broken parts \u2014 because I\u2019ve never been consciously cruel \u2014 but then no one is consciously cruel, they strike out because they have been hurt.\u00a0 I see that the homies feel terrible about the \u201cbad\u201d things they have done \u2014 but those things are not what\u2019s broken, they only show that something is broken.\u00a0 When I think about things I am ashamed of, I think about losing my cousin\u2019s bike and not even offering to buy a new one.\u00a0 Not even being able to look at that because I felt so ashamed.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until I realized that Mother never forgave me for anything, so I learned that no apology was good enough.\u00a0 No repair was possible.\u00a0 No \u201cI still love you.\u201d\u00a0 I learned that the only thing that was OK was never to have done it at all.\u00a0 Suddenly I\u2019m seeing that that is a horrible wounding.\u00a0 I put my arms around my wounded self and hold her gently.\u00a0 I see that my broken parts are mostly about things that were not done and so harder to see.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for the part of me that was searching for the truth and open to it as soon as it appeared.\u00a0 I don\u2019t suppose mother ever got that chance, her denial was too deep and solid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
As I type this up, I see that perhaps the biggest broken part of me is my lack of good boundaries, my inability to stand up for myself.\u00a0 I have allowed people to exploit me, and couldn\u2019t even see that I was being exploited.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a warmth in my heart now, as I hold wounded, broken Jenny with tenderness.\u00a0 I am seeing that the tight hard Jenny that I\u2019ve been imagining was me is actually mother.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
“Homies” are what the gang members of East L.A. call themselves. \u00a0Father Greg Boyle<\/a> works with them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
from my journal for June 10 One of the dances we did was Broken Hallelujah.\u00a0 When we go into the center we are reaching out to our broken parts.\u00a0 I have been imagining that I don\u2019t have any broken parts … Continue reading