Excerpts from journal written during the week at the end of February:<\/p>\n
Sunday: Woke up not sure where I was.\u00a0 I think from a very intense dream.\u00a0 Feeling very lost.<\/p>\n
Monday: \u00a0 Had that strange isolated feeling when I woke up.\u00a0 It feels like I woke up in a strange hotel, not a familiar room.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t able to get up for a while.<\/p>\n
Tuesday: \u00a0 Spent most of the day reading Coming Home<\/a>.\u00a0 I\u2019m almost done.\u00a0 Only took Mocha out twice.<\/p>\n Wednesday: \u00a0 \u00a0 I forgot to take this notebook.\u00a0 Erica said I was looking and sounding much more relaxed.\u00a0 I had trouble getting how I was feeling and finding words for it.\u00a0 With Erica\u2019s help I began to see that I have stopped pushing myself in some major way.\u00a0 Possibly from spending a whole week letting myself rest so I wouldn\u2019t get sicker.\u00a0 It\u2019s possible that I have majorly let go of the belief that I have to prove that I deserve to live.<\/p>\n I have noticed myself enjoying little things.\u00a0 One was the night I watched 3 YouTube favorites \u2014 trailer for Dakota 38<\/a>, We Are the World<\/a>, Matt dancing 2012<\/a> \u2014 and felt very nourished.\u00a0 Another is being able to enjoy very ordinary dinner table conversation.<\/p>\n As I was telling this to Erica, she kept smiling with delight.\u00a0 She said something about how my emotional state was being able to vary in the middle instead of being all on or all off.\u00a0 \u00a0 This is called \u201cself-regulation.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s normal nervous system function, instead of being triggered by trauma.<\/p>\n Yes, I do seem to have arrived at some extraordinary ease with my life.\u00a0 What\u2019s tricky is that it feels so unfamiliar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Excerpts from journal written during the week at the end of February: Sunday: Woke up not sure where I was.\u00a0 I think from a very intense dream.\u00a0 Feeling very lost. Monday: \u00a0 Had that strange isolated feeling when I woke … Continue reading