I took the Tough Little Drip I had made from clay.\u00a0 Erica was really impressed.\u00a0 Said she was very strong and determined.\u00a0 She said she could tell that what she was fighting her way through was no small thing.\u00a0 I think that was something I found out only from the work with Erica.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n It was something I got briefly as I started each new therapy: Children of Alcoholics, clinical depression and medication, possible sexual abuse, PTSD, and then finally getting how trauma in infancy is far more devastating than when it happens to someone whose brain and nervous system have fully matured.\u00a0 Each time, I would welcome each new explanation for why I was so dysfunctional and unhappy.\u00a0 I would start working with a new therapist, work hard, and then work hard, and then work hard.\u00a0 After years of hard work I would feel like I hadn\u2019t got anywhere.\u00a0 At this same place I would intuit that we still hadn\u2019t gotten to the bottom, but I didn\u2019t trust my intuition.\u00a0 Other people could see that I was doing better, but for me the struggle was still very difficult.\u00a0 What\u2019s the matter with me that with this fine new understanding, and years of work, I still don\u2019t have a life?\u00a0 Now, finally, I get how deeply established the tentacles of trauma are in my body and my brain.\u00a0 It\u2019s still hard for me to stop blaming myself for not working hard enough.\u00a0 It\u2019s still easy for me to trivialize what I\u2019m up against.<\/p>\n The work with Erica has brought me enormous pain and despair.\u00a0 I know we are working at the core and the foundation of my being.\u00a0 When the work is so painful I wish I hadn\u2019t started it, I am forced to acknowledge that there is no way I could stop trying to get down to the truth.\u00a0 But I am not at all sure it\u2019s possible for me to heal enough to be able to have a life.\u00a0 On the other hand, with enough support, who knows what I might be able to do?<\/p>\n \u201cDrumpf\u201d is not a misprint.\u00a0 I refuse to call that jerk by a name.\u00a0 I call him \u201cthump\u201d and \u201ctweet\u201d and the best is \u201cDrumpf\u201d from Daily Kos.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My heart hurts.\u00a0 It hurt a lot yesterday as I drove down to Hanover.\u00a0 I was hurting for the people of Puerto Rico, and the ones in Las Vegas.\u00a0 I say nothing about the hideous denial by Drumpf and his … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/toughdrip3-300x225.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n