{"id":5480,"date":"2017-04-14T20:40:56","date_gmt":"2017-04-15T00:40:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5480"},"modified":"2017-04-15T17:29:16","modified_gmt":"2017-04-15T21:29:16","slug":"bababadalgharagh-denenthurnuk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5480","title":{"rendered":"Bababadalgharagh…..denenthurnuk!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Friday, April 14<\/p>\n

I wrote this this morning , trying to understand what is going on in my psyche.\u00a0 It actually produced something that helped make sense of the many issues I am juggling.\u00a0 \u201cKeep the pen moving\u201d is an instruction designed to get around the logical mind.\u00a0 Sometimes it works, sometimes it just produces nonsense.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe fall\u201d happened on Monday, April 10, when I tripped over the lintel and fell on the tile floor in my house. \u00a0I hurt my chin and my left hand badly. \u00a0The odd word in parentheses \u201cbabadagalgara…\u201d was as much as I could remember of James Joyce\u2019s sound of “the fall” at the beginning of Finnegans Wake. \u00a0\u201cJuggling pieces\u201d was an image that came in work with my therapist Erica the next day, that I was juggling pieces of my life and not paying attention, so I tripped. \u00a0Lynelle\u2019s suggestion was from her enormous knowledge about PTSD and how it shows in what happens.\u00a0 Trying to understand what she said brings up a fear of being forced to conform.\u00a0 \u201cThe huge pressure\u201d was something I felt as I was writing to my friends about how I needed my participation in the Grandmother Ceremony to be in a way that worked for me.\u00a0 One of the requirements was to make some patches representing parts of our life.\u00a0 Doing this, and working with the images started a process of integration<\/a>. \u00a0The \u201cGrandmother Ceremony\u201d will be described in a subsequent blog post.<\/p>\n

I want to just keep the pen moving and see what happens.\u00a0 The fall (bababadalgara…) juggling pieces and tripping over the door stone.\u00a0 Trying to integrate process started with working on Grandmother patches.\u00a0 Then Lynelle\u2019s observation that there\u2019s some deep part of me who\u2019s not happy with what\u2019s happening in my unconscious.\u00a0 Not happy with integration?\u00a0 I come across a fear of being forced to conform.\u00a0 Actually, the huge pressure I felt about asking if I could do the patches the way I needed to, that was my introjected mother trying to force me to conform.\u00a0 I resisted that, and I\u2019m telling that part that I did resist, and I will resist, and all the pieces of me welcome her into the tribe and are interested to get to know who she really is.\u00a0 Not who she thinks she\u2019s \u201csupposed to be.\u201d\u00a0 I see an image of all those cards I made for all the grandchildren (of whom I was one) so Gee-Gee could put one on each pile of presents at the big Christmas gathering.\u00a0 A different image comes, from the glittering blue cloth we found in my\u00a0studio on Wednesday.\u00a0 There was the remains of one of the figures I made: stuffed bag for head on pole, hanger attached to it with duct tape to hang the robe on.\u00a0 I also found a string fastened to a bone so it could be hung around her neck.\u00a0 She was the Spirit of the North.\u00a0 I had made Spirits for all the directions.\u00a0 I made a bunch more for a Samhain celebration.\u00a0 There are pictures of them all in one of the booklets at Neskaya.\u00a0 I see them now as a huge outpouring of creativity.\u00a0 I remember that my ex-husband was uncomfortable with what he called my \u201cshrine making.\u201d\u00a0 I thought he meant that the things I made might draw in spirits that were negative.\u00a0 Looking at it now, I see spirits drawn to my work who were outcast and unwanted, perhaps \u201cnegative\u201d because they had been hurt and I feel my heart open to draw them in.\u00a0 Come to me you tired, poor, and heavy laden, I see your goodness.\u00a0 I know you have been hurt.\u00a0 I welcome you into this space so you can rest and heal.\u00a0 I see the enormous gap between the little girl who carried out her mother\u2019s instructions to make nice, safe, name cards for the family Christmas, and the woman who created all sorts of flamboyant exotic things and environments to appear for a brief time in the sacred space of Neskaya.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Spirit of the North<\/p><\/div>\n

Here is the sound of The Fall: bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!
\nand a link to the source<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I read this piece of writing to my therapist on our phone session which happened about 30 minutes after I wrote it.\u00a0 She really liked it, but then she knows the things I am referring to.\u00a0 I read it to her a second time, and some new images and material that I hadn\u2019t seen before came up.<\/p>\n

When I read \u201cI welcome you into this space so you can rest and heal,\u201d I saw Neskaya<\/a>.\u00a0 The building has been called a \u201chealing sanctuary,\u201d and many people have told me they feel at home, completely accepted for who they are.\u00a0 I saw the Red Woman<\/a> as the healing spirit of Neskaya.\u00a0 And I remembered when we were building it, the roof and walls were built around\/on a structure of steel I-beams.\u00a0 The beams can be seen holding the roof from inside and outside.\u00a0 The steel structure was a little like a crystal form, three-dimensional with facets.\u00a0 It was unusual enough that we were only able to find one contractor who was willing to try it.\u00a0 The first time they put the beams together, the last ones didn\u2019t fit.\u00a0 So they had to go back and modify the junctions so they would fit.\u00a0 I remember very well how I felt when the steel structure came together, I could feel it in my heart, a crystalline shape, very strong, holding energy.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Neskaya steel structure<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friday, April 14 I wrote this this morning , trying to understand what is going on in my psyche.\u00a0 It actually produced something that helped make sense of the many issues I am juggling.\u00a0 \u201cKeep the pen moving\u201d is an … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-journal","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5480","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5480"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5480\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5480"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5480"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5480"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}