I want to write \u2014 I guess it\u2019s a \u201cstatement of faith\u201d \u2014 my story about the universe and my life that gives me something to hold on to while I go through this rocky time.\u00a0 \u201cRocky time\u201d?\u00a0 This is nothing compared to what I\u2019ve been through in the past, but now that I\u2019ve had a long time of feeling good, and confident, and being able to get things done that used to be so hard (like work in the garden) I want to be like that again.<\/p>\n
Describe \u201crocky time\u201d \u2014 I\u2019m scared and sad a lot (certainly easier to handle than terror and depression), I\u2019m not comfortable in my body or in my life.\u00a0 Odd and uncomfortable bits of memory surface, like pieces of songs from the 50s. I think they are flashbacks to childhood, and I\u2019m caught in an alcoholic nightmare where all the edges are a little blurry and there\u2019s nothing strong and solid to hold on to.<\/p>\n
I really do believe \u2014 even when I can\u2019t feel it \u2014 that the core of the universe is creative love, and that this creative love exists in every grain of matter and all the space between.\u00a0 That this creative love budded off a part of itself and became me, because I was needed by the Totality.\u00a0 That just as I am, I am thoroughly and completely loved, I don\u2019t need to do anything more to \u201cdeserve\u201d this love.\u00a0 God doesn\u2019t think my life has been wasted at all.\u00a0 God has used me to do many things \u2014 like Journey into Courage<\/a> \u2014 that have helped change the lives of people in good ways \u2014 and I don\u2019t begin to know what those are because I don\u2019t see them, except every now and then when someone tells me.\u00a0 I have been lucky enough to do something really big and visible, which I know without question was what I \u201ccame into this life to do\u201d, which is the creation of Neskaya<\/a> \u2014 a sacred space, a \u201chealing sanctuary\u201d \u2014 which I created out of my love for the folk dances and circle dances and wanting to share them. Another part of my life has been the work to heal trauma.\u00a0 I believe that trauma was necessary for my life\u2019s task because what I do is shamanic work and trauma was my shamanic ordeal.\u00a0 It prevented me from \u201csucceeding\u201d in conventional ways and forced me to find the things that meant enough to me to keep going despite despair and terror.\u00a0 The work I do in this realm does not just heal my own psyche, it also changes the human energy field to make such healing more available for everyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I want to write \u2014 I guess it\u2019s a \u201cstatement of faith\u201d \u2014 my story about the universe and my life that gives me something to hold on to while I go through this rocky time.\u00a0 \u201cRocky time\u201d?\u00a0 This is … Continue reading