{"id":5215,"date":"2016-07-02T11:45:51","date_gmt":"2016-07-02T15:45:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5215"},"modified":"2018-12-15T13:40:01","modified_gmt":"2018-12-15T18:40:01","slug":"writers-for-recovery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5215","title":{"rendered":"Writers for Recovery"},"content":{"rendered":"

I went to the second night of a ten-week\u00a0workshop, called Writers for Recovery<\/a>.\u00a0 It had been put together by Bess O\u2019Brien<\/a>, who produced Journey Into Courage<\/a>, and grew out of the documentary on addiction, The Hungry Heart, that she was working on at the time.\u00a0 She was helped by a writer, Gary Miller, and they have offered it at Recovery Centers around Vermont.\u00a0 I went because I have taught writing workshops and thought I might be able to do this one, once I saw what exercises they used.\u00a0 I was very moved by what the participants wrote.\u00a0 I\u2019m always heartened when people tell the truth about their lives.<\/p>\n

Since I am not in recovery from addiction, but I can say that I\u2019m in recovery from PTSD, I changed the assignments a little.\u00a0 The topic of the first writing was \u201cWaking up in the middle of my addiction.\u201d\u00a0 I wrote what it felt like waking up that very day, because my life right now is totally disabled by PTSD.<\/p>\n

Waking up in the morning, I feel so heavy, I feel totally bereft, I have no reason to get up.\u00a0 I recite to myself \u201cBlessed Lord Jesus, have mercy on me,\u201d even though I don\u2019t believe in Jesus, and the words don\u2019t mean anything to me. \u00a0I figure they have been spoken by so many people down through the centuries, and they are positive and keep my mind from going anywhere else.\u00a0 It\u2019s quiet here.\u00a0 Green trees outside my window.\u00a0 Sun isn\u2019t up yet.\u00a0 My dog\u2019s on the bed next to me, I can feel her warmth.\u00a0 I tell myself \u201cYou\u2019ll feel better when you\u2019ve had a cup of tea.\u201d\u00a0 I sit up and hug my dog.\u00a0 I feel very wobbly as I get up on my feet.\u00a0 I go into the kitchen and start the kettle.\u00a0 Then I collapse on the couch that faces the glass patio doors.\u00a0 Outside I see the trees, many colors of green.\u00a0 It\u2019s too much for me right now.\u00a0 I listen for the kettle, finally go pour hot water in the mug with the tea bag.\u00a0 I set the timer for 2m30sec and go back to the couch.\u00a0 I take my journal and write the date.\u00a0 Then I write: “hard to get up as usual.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t got any reason to get up but it\u2019s too uncomfortable to stay in bed.” \u00a0The timer rings and I get my tea and pour soy milk into it.\u00a0 Kukicha tea and soy milk have represented safety to me since I was diagnosed with systemic yeast in 1984 and told to stop drinking coffee, black tea, or herbal teas, and to avoid dairy.\u00a0 I go back to the couch and start writing about yesterday.\u00a0 There is no one else in the house except the dog.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

For the assignment to write about \u201cgetting up in the morning now that you\u2019re clean and sober\u201d I write what I imagine it would be like to be healed of PTSD. \u00a0I had this experience at a 5-day event at Rowe Camp and Conference Center<\/a>.\u00a0 It was called \u201cKindred Spirits<\/a>,\u201d and had started as \u201cRecovery Camp\u201d 30 years ago, for people recovering from addiction.\u00a0 More recently they opened it up to anyone who wanted to be authentic, to tell the truth, to grow spiritually and psychologically from sharing with others.<\/p>\n

Waking up at Kindred Spirits Camp.\u00a0 I\u2019m in the lower bunk.\u00a0 Two other women share the room, and they are still asleep.\u00a0 I take my supplements out of the box and put them in a small container.\u00a0 I take my bag with my journal and tea bags to the dining room where there\u2019s hot water and soy milk in the fridge.\u00a0 I make my first cup of tea and sit down to write in my journal.\u00a0 People occasionally walk through.\u00a0 Breakfast will be served in the big building up the hill.\u00a0 There\u2019s a young woman doing yoga in the middle of the floor.\u00a0 Michael, who\u2019s in my family group, comes in and sorts out his supplements.\u00a0 We smile at each other.
\nThen it\u2019s time to go up the hill to the Rec Hall.\u00a0 A lot of steps to climb, colorful graffiti on the walls of the staircase.\u00a0 I hear people calling \u201cCircle up!\u00a0 Circle up!\u201d\u00a0 I walk through the dining room with its tables and go out on the deck where all the Kindred Spirits are gathering in a big circle.\u00a0 Someone starts us singing \u201cIt\u2019s in every one of us to be wise…\u201d\u00a0 I used to hate that song, a therapist used to make us sing it in her group and I thought it was sickening and sentimental.\u00a0 I like the way they\u2019re singing it here.
\nFor the first time that I can remember, I feel safe.\u00a0 I feel like I\u2019m OK just as I am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to entertain or take care of anyone.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to prove that I deserve to live.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I went to the second night of a ten-week\u00a0workshop, called Writers for Recovery.\u00a0 It had been put together by Bess O\u2019Brien, who produced Journey Into Courage, and grew out of the documentary on addiction, The Hungry Heart, that she was … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,11,4,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journal","category-present-day","category-trauma","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}