{"id":5169,"date":"2016-05-27T09:34:29","date_gmt":"2016-05-27T13:34:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5169"},"modified":"2016-05-27T09:34:29","modified_gmt":"2016-05-27T13:34:29","slug":"who-am-i-really","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5169","title":{"rendered":"Who am I really?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written in my journal for May 7, after the event (\u201cContinuing the Journey\u201d) where I talked about what I had learned both while and after being part of Journey into Courage<\/a>.\u00a0 Some scenes from the video were shown.\u00a0 Other women told their stories.<\/p>\n

So now I\u2019m home, after lunch. \u00a0 I\u2019m feeling very empty and blank inside.\u00a0 It might have to do with a new start.\u00a0 Or it might be about discovering how\/where I really am. \u00a0Time to\u00a0\u201cwrite my way down to some truth.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is a phrase I used a lot in past journals.\u00a0 It involved doing \u201cwriting practice\u201d where the only rule is to keep the pen moving.\u00a0 I am often blown away by what I write.<\/p>\n

Who am I really?\u00a0 Who am I if I let go of the dysfunctional behaviors? \u00a0I am creative, I am generous.\u00a0 I am very curious about the world of Nature, and my intelligence and scientific training make it easy to understand the amazingly complex processes that have created the world we live in, and at the same time to be skeptical about the \u201clatest discovery.\u201d\u00a0 I enjoy sharing my knowledge with people who want to know, and I like explaining in really basic terms so people don\u2019t feel like they are \u201cstupid.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m a very good dance teacher and I love sharing the circle dances that I love.\u00a0 I also enjoy creating a sequence of dances that move and change energy.\u00a0 I\u2019m also good at putting together a program from nothing at the last minute.\u00a0 I\u2019m a very caring person.\u00a0 I care about the earth, the trees and the animals and the oceans.\u00a0 I care about people who are having a hard time, who are in pain.\u00a0 I care about social justice, economic justice, and racial justice, and I am infuriated by the inequalities that exist in my country.\u00a0 I have worked hard to raise awareness of domestic violence and PTSD.\u00a0 I have also worked hard and contributed money and energy, to create a sacred space which is a healing sanctuary.\u00a0 I have fought hard and unrelentingly to heal the wounds of my childhood.\u00a0 Truth is important to me.\u00a0 I live and speak with integrity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In the past, I would have been terrified to post this. \u00a0It would have been “thinking I’m so great.” \u00a0Now it’s obvious to me that it’s the truth. \u00a0The paradoxical thing is that I imagined if I really believed I was a good person, my life would change drastically. \u00a0It hasn’t really. \u00a0I can still get dragged down by things that happen, and I still become apathetic when I’m alone. \u00a0Maybe it’s like my other “knowings.” \u00a0I absolutely know they are true. \u00a0I think they must come from a level of the psyche that is below emotions. \u00a0Emotions can get triggered by actual events that remind my nervous system of the core trauma\u00a0and\u00a0by very old beliefs about myself. \u00a0Positive emotions come when I’m doing something that I love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written in my journal for May 7, after the event (\u201cContinuing the Journey\u201d) where I talked about what I had learned both while and after being part of Journey into Courage.\u00a0 Some scenes from the video were shown.\u00a0 Other women … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-journal","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5169\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}