Yesterday\u2019s talk with Erica was pretty amazing.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t realized all the positive insights and learnings that have happened these past few weeks.\u00a0 The most amazing was the knowing that my life has impacted many other lives in positive ways.\u00a0 That feels very solid.\u00a0 What\u2019s more amazing is that there is not a lot of evidence.\u00a0 But what there is, is just the tip of the iceberg.\u00a0 For every person who said \u201cWhen you said xyz it changed my life,\u201d there are at least 10 more who never said anything.\u00a0 Also the fact that to me xyz was nothing special.\u00a0 I was not trying to say anything wise, I was just saying what was obvious to me.\u00a0 Examples: picking up the wasp at Kripalu, he was walking very slowly in the road. \u00a0I knew he was too cold to fly, so I picked him up and put him in a safe place.\u00a0 The woman I was with said she was blown away. \u00a0And talking to Angela\u2019s therapy group about Neskaya.\u00a0 She said \u201cYou are way outside the boxes that those women live in.\u201d<\/p>\n
The other very solid piece was knowing I could trust myself to tell truth from lies, at least in my own thinking.\u00a0 I am not self-deceived.\u00a0 This gives me a rock-solid foundation of self-respect.\u00a0 Miss Giles: \u201cThat was where her sin lay.\u00a0 She had not willed cruelty, but she had willed self-deception.\u201d\u00a0 Elizabeth Goudge, The Rosemary Tree<\/a>, p237\u00a0 That was what my mother did, deliberately ignoring those signals from inside.\u00a0 I pay attention to them and realize that I\u2019m about to say something that\u2019s not true.<\/p>\n I\u2019m wondering where these knowings came from.\u00a0 I think Erica\u2019s questions helped me to see what I already knew.\u00a0 But the knowing has been putting itself together\u00a0deep in my consciousness, down where I have no cognitive awareness, but the process of integration has been going on deep in the darkness and silence.\u00a0 Down there \u201cwhere the spirit meets the bone.<\/a>\u201d\u00a0 I have been taking in all of the positive things that Erica has said to me, putting them together with Charlotte’s\u00a0letter<\/a> and Jalaja\u2019s letter<\/a> and the video of me dancing \u201cJoy is in My Heart,\u201d and recognizing the truth about myself.\u00a0 \u201cDeeper Magic from before the Dawn of Time.\u201d\u00a0 C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe<\/a>.\u00a0 Then the truth pops up, out of nowhere, and my knowing that it is truth, even though it\u2019s something good about me, is totally new.\u00a0 I have even preserved it through a depression which usually leaves me feeling totally awful about myself and my life.\u00a0 That\u2019s how I know it is solid.<\/p>\n O my! \u00a0I was just going through the comments looking for Jalaja’s letter and found so many positive ones. \u00a0It warmed my heart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Yesterday\u2019s talk with Erica was pretty amazing.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t realized all the positive insights and learnings that have happened these past few weeks.\u00a0 The most amazing was the knowing that my life has impacted many other lives in positive ways.\u00a0 … Continue reading