{"id":5023,"date":"2015-12-28T12:11:04","date_gmt":"2015-12-28T17:11:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5023"},"modified":"2015-12-28T12:11:04","modified_gmt":"2015-12-28T17:11:04","slug":"triggered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=5023","title":{"rendered":"Triggered"},"content":{"rendered":"

I started reading Invisible Heroes<\/a>, the book on trauma survivors by Belleruth Naparstek, because it often helps me.\u00a0 But this morning I read a description of trauma that so accurately described how I feel when the baby is triggered, that my nerves began to vibrate in sympathy.\u00a0 \u201cAt the time of the actual event, it\u2019s defining nature is an instantaneous and automatic takeover of intense feelings of helplessness, terror, and loss of control, and the perception of impending annihilation by overwhelming force.\u201d\u00a0 p30<\/p>\n

Right now, that’s exactly how I feel. \u00a0I start breathing deeply and tell myself that it\u2019s about what happened in the past, it isn\u2019t true now.\u00a0 I put my arms around myself and say \u201cthere there.\u00a0 You are still lovable even though you are scared.\u00a0 This is not your fault, it got triggered.\u00a0 There there.\u00a0 You are really OK just as you are.\u201d\u00a0 This helped calm me down quite a bit.<\/p>\n

Then I went back and read about my recent insights, which can be found in posts from December 18 to 26.\u00a0 I wrote them down so I could remind myself.\u00a0 1) Staying with depression really helped me get that what I\u2019m up against is really BIG, and some better sense of my own strength and persistence.\u00a0 2) A glimmer of the idea that the person Erica sees might be closer to the \u201creal me\u201d than the one I experience.\u00a0 3) The image of the \u201clight\u201d and \u201cgood\u201d pieces making a container for the \u201cdark\u201d pieces.\u00a0 I am big enough to hold the wounded one.\u00a0 4)\u00a0 My depression is not my fault<\/span>.\u00a0 It\u2019s something that happened to me.<\/p>\n

Reminding myself of these learnings helped a lot. \u00a0I need to do it every day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I started reading Invisible Heroes, the book on trauma survivors by Belleruth Naparstek, because it often helps me.\u00a0 But this morning I read a description of trauma that so accurately described how I feel when the baby is triggered, that … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,11,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-present-day","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5023"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5023\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}