(Written in June 2009)
\nI\u2019m thinking about the words I wrote yesterday \u201cPlease see me.\u00a0 Please hear me.\u00a0 Please understand how painful and difficult my life is.\u00a0 Please understand that I\u2019m doing the best I can.\u201d
\nMy therapists understand.\u00a0 All three of them have commented on how hard I\u2019ve been working.\u00a0 Caryn even said many people quit, they aren\u2019t willing to do the work.\u00a0 What\u2019s tricky now is that what\u2019s needed for this phase of the work, which mostly doesn\u2019t look like \u201cwork\u201d, is that I have to take very good care of myself, sticking to a routine of eating and sleeping and exercise and not taking on anything extra.\u00a0 The hardest part of the work nobody sees but Caryn.\u00a0 With her I\u2019m able to let myself feel very painful and scary states, which I then have to process, not by active catharsis which feels like what I want to do \u2014 get this over and done!\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t work with trauma.\u00a0 What I have to do is stay in the painful state with patience, holding back the screaming and dramatic movements, instead waiting for my body to do on its own the processes that release the energy.\u00a0 In my case that\u2019s a lot of shaking, teeth chattering, and yawning.\u00a0 When I don\u2019t have Caryn\u2019s help, and the difficult feelings come, I try to stay with them as much as possible, to pay attention to the physical sensations in my body, and try to hold the difficult feelings with compassion.<\/p>\n
Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I haven\u2019t written in a long time. (Written in June 2009) I\u2019m thinking about the words I wrote yesterday \u201cPlease see me.\u00a0 Please hear me.\u00a0 Please understand how painful and difficult my life is.\u00a0 Please understand that I\u2019m doing the best I can.\u201d My therapists understand.\u00a0 All … Continue reading
\n Dear Jenny, you\u2019ve been doing very well with this work you have taken on.\u00a0 We admire your courage and persistence.\u00a0 We love and support you.\u00a0 You are doing just fine at being yourself, and taking care of yourself.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to do anything more in order to \u201cdeserve to live.\u201d We are sorry that your parents taught you such a cruel lesson, that they let you believe that you didn\u2019t deserve to live.\u00a0 There is no question of \u201cdeserving.\u201d\u00a0 Goddess made you just as you are, because the Universe was not complete without you.\u00a0 Remember this.\u00a0 And let yourself feel our love.<\/em>
\nThank you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"