(Written in June 2009)
\nI talked with Eleanor about my sadness about a relationship that\u2019s not going well, and how rejected I felt on Sunday.\u00a0 She was very understanding and validating.\u00a0 She reminded me that sometimes people become angry, defensive and rejecting, when they are feeling guilty.\u00a0 And I remember Caryn suggesting that my friend\u2019s invalidations were because she was frightened of the deep work I am doing.\u00a0 After the session with Karen, where she pointed out that I don\u2019t know what my life would have been if I hadn\u2019t been traumatized, and I reminded myself of some of the gifts \u2014 having to go straight for what was most important to me because anything less couldn\u2019t motivate me to overcome the challenges.\u00a0 But I still do have to mourn the things I didn\u2019t get: friendships I couldn\u2019t sustain because of terror and despair, friendships that failed because they couldn\u2019t\/wouldn\u2019t understand what I\u2019m up against, work \u2014 like doing the slide show \u2014 that would feed my soul.\u00a0 I was thinking \u201cI accept my life as it is\u201d and the rabbit appeared.\u00a0 I accept that my wounding allows me to work on healing at a deep level.\u00a0 I just wish it weren\u2019t such lonely work.\u00a0 I wish I could find \u201ctrauma buddies\u201d, other people living with PTSD, so I could talk about my struggles with people who understand.<\/p>\n
Please see me.\u00a0 Please hear me.\u00a0 Please understand how painful and difficult my life is.\u00a0 I don\u2019t expect you to help me or take care of me.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you to feel guilty if you don\u2019t want to spend time with me.\u00a0 I just want you to understand how painful and difficult my life is, and that I\u2019m doing the best I can.<\/p>\n
Caryn McHose in Holderness is my trauma therapist<\/p>\n
Karen Collins in Montpelier is my emotional anchor, I’ve been seeing her for over 20 years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in June 2009) I talked with Eleanor about my sadness about a relationship that\u2019s not going well, and how rejected I felt on Sunday.\u00a0 She was very understanding and validating.\u00a0 She reminded me that sometimes people become angry, defensive … Continue reading