{"id":4925,"date":"2015-11-20T17:52:39","date_gmt":"2015-11-20T22:52:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4925"},"modified":"2015-11-20T17:52:39","modified_gmt":"2015-11-20T22:52:39","slug":"parenting-from-the-inside-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4925","title":{"rendered":"Parenting from the Inside Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

Started reading \u201cParenting from the Inside Out<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s about interactions between parents and children, and that if the parents have unprocessed events in their lives, it will affect their ability to raise healthy kids.\u00a0 They talk about how relationships are created, through empathy, validation, and shared emotion.\u00a0 It\u2019s the shared emotion that makes you feel connected to someone.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t happen \u2014 or at least I don\u2019t remember it \u2014 with Mom & Dad.\u00a0 I remember the time I tried to connect with Dad by reciting a Robert Frost poem and he complained \u201cYou started me off wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

They described \u201cemotion\u201d as an energy that integrates, integrates experience within a person, integrates a relationship between two people.<\/p>\n

Reading this somewhat difficult material I feel overwhelmed and very sad.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember any connecting experiences with mom or dad, or experiences of being felt, or taken in by one of them.\u00a0 Attuned connection with a parent helps a child feel good about herself because their emotions have been given \u201cresonance and reflection.\u201d\u00a0 This gives them a sense of vitality and substance, a stronger sense of themselves.<\/p>\n

How you are treated, if there is no attuned empathy, is \u201cwho you are.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s in \u201cimplicit memory\u201d so it becomes an assumption that functions all the time without giving a sense of being in the past.\u00a0 This is why I\u2019ve had such a long struggle with trying to change who I feel I am, it doesn\u2019t feel like something I\u2019ve learned, but like the reality of me.<\/p>\n

This is so painful.\u00a0 I feel like the foundation of my sense of who I am is false, but I can\u2019t change it.\u00a0 I can know that intellectually but not embody it.\u00a0 Seeing this makes me want to lie down and die.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoth of us wounded, carelessly damaged for life…\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There is also a discussion of right and left hemispheres, and how they can work together.\u00a0 There was the case of one man who couldn\u2019t feel emotions.\u00a0 He had been brought up by very intellectual parents who never validated or named what he was feeling.\u00a0 He had to learn how to feel in therapy.\u00a0 It helps me understand why I retreat to books when I need comforting or a retreat from \u201clife\u201d \u2014 from the struggle and the lostness.<\/p>\n

I think of my response to Erica\u2019s reflection and validation of me.\u00a0 On the one hand, I\u2019m hungry for it, it\u2019s something I\u2019ve never experienced, but knew right away it\u2019s something I should have been given.\u00a0 On the other hand, it contradicts all my knowing, the foundations of my personality, like being told that I\u2019m really 6ft2\u201d.<\/p>\n

The quote is from a song that I haven\u2019t been able to track down.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been told that Amy Helm<\/a> is the singer and Mary Gauthier<\/a> may have written it.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t find it on either website.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Started reading \u201cParenting from the Inside Out.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s about interactions between parents and children, and that if the parents have unprocessed events in their lives, it will affect their ability to raise healthy kids.\u00a0 They talk about how relationships are … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4925","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4925","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4925"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4925\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}