July 18<\/p>\n
Erica said I needed to reassure the baby that it was OK to be scared, but I also needed to contact the ones who don\u2019t want to be scared.\u00a0 One of those is upset because she doesn\u2019t know if her fear drove Mom away, and what she can do to get her back.\u00a0 I realized while driving to Cory\u2019s that I had imagined two<\/span> parts that didn\u2019t want to feel fear.\u00a0 Talking to Cory about the fear I said it\u2019s not like ordinary fear, it\u2019s frozen.\u00a0 Thinking about it more, I see that fear is \u201covercoupled\u201d with helplessness.\u00a0 The second one doesn\u2019t want to feel helpless.\u00a0 So I\u2019ve been talking to all three of them.<\/p>\n “It\u2019s OK to be scared.\u00a0 You have good reason to be scared, but what happened was in the past.\u00a0 It can\u2019t happen again,\u00a0 I am here and I\u2019m not going to leave you.\u00a0 I know I disconnect at times, but it\u2019s my intention to always be here for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know you don\u2019t want to feel fear.\u00a0 You were protecting me.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t afford to feel back then.\u00a0 You were trying desperately to understand what made mother go away, and what would bring her back.\u00a0 Dear Baby Jenny, you had nothing to do with it.\u00a0 Whether you cried or didn\u2019t cry, whether you were scared or angry, it wasn\u2019t about you.\u00a0 Your mother was an alcoholic and she was focussed on herself, on what she needed, not on what you needed.\u00a0 You were a beautiful, intelligent, creative child, and she had absolutely no ability to be a mother, to pay attention to you instead of herself.\u00a0 Thank you for protecting me. \u00a0You don\u2019t have to worry about trying to get Mom to come back.\u00a0 I\u2019m here now and I will<\/span> pay attention to your needs.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t want to be afraid because it makes you feel helpless.\u00a0 This is the result of trauma.\u00a0 Normally fear makes you want to run away or back off, but for you, fear immobilizes you.\u00a0 Being both terrified and helpless is one of the most horrible feelings a person can feel.\u00a0 Of course you don\u2019t want to feel it.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" July 18 Erica said I needed to reassure the baby that it was OK to be scared, but I also needed to contact the ones who don\u2019t want to be scared.\u00a0 One of those is upset because she doesn\u2019t know … Continue reading