{"id":4842,"date":"2015-07-20T12:12:09","date_gmt":"2015-07-20T16:12:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4842"},"modified":"2015-07-20T12:12:09","modified_gmt":"2015-07-20T16:12:09","slug":"life-that-was-stolen-before-it-was-lived","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4842","title":{"rendered":"Life that was Stolen Before it was Lived"},"content":{"rendered":"

I found this poem on rereading Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Untie the Strong Woman<\/a>. \u00a0It’s in a chapter on abortion, in particular the grief of someone who has an abortion who hasn’t been free enough or supported enough to mourn. \u00a0Reading it this time, I resonated with the line<\/p>\n

If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
\nBelieve that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.<\/p>\n

I too was poisoned at the beginning. \u00a0I too live a life that is no life. Today is difficult because I am experiencing a flashback to what it was like for me as a baby. \u00a0I feel bereft, alone, there is no one here with warmth, I’m having a lot of trouble doing “grown-up” things like washing the dishes. \u00a0I worry about how I will do the next thing that has to be done. \u00a0I don’t exactly feel afraid, I feel lost, lost, lost.<\/p>\n

how is the truth to be said?
\nYou were born, you had body, you died.
\nIt is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE MOTHER,\u00a0BY GWENDOLYN BROOKS<\/a><\/p>\n

Abortions will not let you forget.
\nYou remember the children you got that you did not get,
\nThe damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
\nThe singers and workers that never handled the air.
\nYou will never neglect or beat
\nThem, or silence or buy with a sweet.
\nYou will never wind up the sucking-thumb
\nOr scuttle off ghosts that come.
\nYou will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
\nReturn for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.<\/p>\n

I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed children.
\nI have contracted. I have eased
\nMy dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
\nI have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
\nYour luck
\nAnd your lives from your unfinished reach,
\nIf I stole your births and your names,
\nYour straight baby tears and your games,
\nYour stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches, and your deaths,
\nIf I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
\nBelieve that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
\nThough why should I whine,
\nWhine that the crime was other than mine?\u2014
\nSince anyhow you are dead.
\nOr rather, or instead,
\nYou were never made.
\nBut that too, I am afraid,
\nIs faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
\nYou were born, you had body, you died.
\nIt is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.<\/p>\n

Believe me, I loved you all.
\nBelieve me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
\nAll.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I found this poem on rereading Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Untie the Strong Woman. \u00a0It’s in a chapter on abortion, in particular the grief of someone who has an abortion who hasn’t been free enough or supported enough to mourn. \u00a0Reading … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4842","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4842","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4842"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4842\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4842"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4842"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4842"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}