{"id":4806,"date":"2015-06-27T11:09:21","date_gmt":"2015-06-27T15:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4806"},"modified":"2015-06-27T11:09:21","modified_gmt":"2015-06-27T15:09:21","slug":"this-is-the-work-for-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4806","title":{"rendered":"\u201cThis is the Work for Now\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dialogue<\/a> between Jenny of now and Jenny in the hospital.\u00a0 I was afraid the hospital Jenny would be uncomfortable with her much older self, and even with almost any adult.\u00a0 I decided to be a \u201cGreat Aunt,\u201d and couldn\u2019t find the right name for her.<\/p>\n

Jenny sitting on hospital bed, writing in her journal.\u00a0 Older woman comes to the door.<\/p>\n

Great Aunt: \u201cMay I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jenny: \u201cSure\u201d a little uncertainly.\u00a0 GA sits on chair near the bed.<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cWhy are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n

GA \u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m your great aunt.\u00a0 I heard from your Aunt Carolyn that you had some kind of breakdown and were in the hospital.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had a couple of breakdowns myself, so I know something about it.\u00a0 I came to see if there was anything I could do \u2014 and maybe just wanting to be with somebody who knows what it\u2019s like.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (not quite knowing what to make of her) \u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n

(long silence)<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cAre you -like –\u00a0 a psychiatrist?\u201d<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cNo, I\u2019m just a person with some experience.\u00a0 I\u2019m actually an artist.\u00a0 I paint.\u00a0 Painting helped me get through my breakdown.\u201d\u00a0 (pause)\u00a0 \u201cIt looks like writing might help you the same way.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cYes, I\u2019ve been writing a lot in my journal.\u201d<\/p>\n

(silence)<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cWould you be willing to tell me what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (after a pause)\u00a0 \u201cI met this guy.\u00a0 He was a graduate student in anthropology and we had some great conversations.\u201d\u00a0 (pause)\u00a0 \u201cWe talked about living together.\u00a0 I went away for Christmas, and when I got back he didn\u2019t seem eager to see me.\u201d\u00a0 (pause) \u00a0“He didn’t answer my phone calls. \u00a0I went to his office to confront him and there was another girl there with him. \u00a0I freaked out and drove my car on the back roads and yelled and screamed.” \u00a0(pause) \u00a0\u201cFinally I decided I needed to make a life for myself.\u00a0 I bought a door, to make a desk, and I went to his house to borrow his van to move the door.\u00a0 He was there with another girl and wouldn\u2019t answer the door.\u00a0 So I went to my car, and got the jack, and started smashing his windows<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0 (silence.\u00a0 Jenny has been staring straight ahead while talking.\u00a0 She takes a peek at GA\u2019s face to see how she reacts.)<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 (with a commiserating smile)\u00a0 \u201cSounds like you were having a pretty rough time.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (cries)\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t be sorry, it\u2019s OK to cry.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (cries some more until it stops on its own.)<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cHow did you get into the hospital?\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cTurned myself in.\u00a0 I felt like I was exploding.\u00a0 I needed help to close back down.\u201d\u00a0 (pause)\u00a0 \u201cIt was comforting that the doors were locked and the nurses are here.\u201d<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u00a0 When you\u2019re falling apart, you need some kind of container, something to help hold all the emotions that have broken out.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (deep sigh.)<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cIn traditional cultures, when someone has broken down, the tribe and the medicine people help the person contain and process what\u2019s happened to them.\u00a0 They do this through ritual and dancing.\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cDavid told me about something called a \u2018vision quest.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cYes, that\u2019s when\u00a0 person is transitioning from child to adult.\u00a0 They go out alone into the wilderness and spend some time fasting and praying and asking for some sign to let them know who they will be now.\u00a0 Sometimes it\u2019s a totem animal or a name.\u201d\u00a0 (pause)\u00a0 \u201cDo you have any totems to get you through this time?\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (pause, a little uncertain.\u00a0 This is part of her deep private life that she\u2019s never shared.)\u00a0 \u201cWell, there\u2019s my guitar.\u00a0 And the Bambara Oryx I bought in Paris.\u00a0 I have a black stone too, that I keep in my pocket.\u201d\u00a0 (She is silent, thinking about the words written in blood<\/a> \u201cWho if I cried out would hear me amid the hosts of angels\u201d)\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s also the Persian Vase that I bought at Gump\u2019s<\/a>.\u00a0 It\u2019s tiny and hand blown and I think about 900 years old.\u00a0 It\u2019s translucent with iridescent patches.<\/p>\n

(long silence)<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m glad you have those.\u00a0 Do you have a therapist?\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 \u201cDr. Burgess is here in the hospital, and Dr. Asher in Woodland.\u00a0 I drive up to see him every week.\u201d<\/p>\n

GA\u00a0 \u201cAre they helpful?\u201d<\/p>\n

J\u00a0 (pause)\u00a0 I think so.<\/p>\n

This is where the dialogue ended.\u00a0 I imagine Great Aunt saying some thing like \u201cthat\u2019s enough for now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll come back if it\u2019s OK, or we might go out and have lunch,\u201d\u00a0 and Jenny saying \u201cthat\u2019s OK.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bambara Oryx\u00a0\"15_TchiWaraBambaraMali\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dialogue between Jenny of now and Jenny in the hospital.\u00a0 I was afraid the hospital Jenny would be uncomfortable with her much older self, and even with almost any adult.\u00a0 I decided to be a \u201cGreat Aunt,\u201d and couldn\u2019t find … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,5,9,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breakdown","category-healing","category-journal","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4806","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4806"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4806\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4806"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4806"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4806"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}