Wow.\u00a0 What a turnaround.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel any of the pain or confusion I felt two days ago.\u00a0 One part of me was really beginning to get it that things are still there even when I get disconnected from them: God, Erica, Tiny One.\u00a0 When I first looked for Tiny One just now she was in my heart!\u00a0 The other thing was really getting it that the down was just a down in the process, the good place of feeling whole wasn\u2019t lost, was a place I could get back to.\u00a0 I think accepting that, letting go of anger at myself for \u201cfalling back\u201d again, letting go of fear that I won\u2019t get \u201cback there,\u201d letting go of the struggle to get \u201cback there,\u201d allowed me to relax and be happy again.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I really saw this until I started writing it down.\u00a0 The rest of Tuesday was sort of a fog.\u00a0 Lynelle helped me see that seeing Erica with her next client was a big deal, though now it doesn\u2019t matter. \u00a0(It’s a big deal because when you’re working on the level of infancy, you can’t handle your therapist having another baby.) \u00a0In this secure place, in touch with Tiny One and my heart and my wholeness and God, it doesn\u2019t matter at all.<\/p>\n
Reading in November 2014 I found a place where I\u2019m able to accept that I\u2019m a good person, and then I felt very sad that I have treated this good person so badly.\u00a0 I was looking at the page where I talk about myself as a \u201cgood\u201d person.\u00a0 I worked so hard last fall to \u201cget\u201d that I am a good person.\u00a0 And now it doesn\u2019t matter any more!!\u00a0 I don\u2019t care if I\u2019m a good person or not! \u00a0What a liberation!\u00a0 My job is just to be the best Jenny I can, and my work on healing myself is part of it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wow.\u00a0 What a turnaround.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel any of the pain or confusion I felt two days ago.\u00a0 One part of me was really beginning to get it that things are still there even when I get disconnected from them: … Continue reading