(Written in January 2007)<\/p>\n
Got the usual invalidating message from R telling me that pain doesn\u2019t exist and I can choose not to think those thoughts. My first reaction is to want to die.\u00a0 My second is to get in touch with my anger at his failure to understand what my life is like.\u00a0 I understand why someone would fly an airplane into a building.\u00a0 First I imagined beating R to a pulp with a baseball bat.\u00a0 Then I imagined smashing a person-sized piece of pottery.\u00a0 Nope, not violent enough to relieve my feelings.\u00a0 Then I imagined driving my car head on into a truck.\u00a0 Still not there.\u00a0 Then I imagined driving my car (smash!) into a rock wall.\u00a0 Then I imagined flying an airliner full of people into a sky scraper \u2014 Ahh.\u00a0 Satisfaction.
\nThe pain of having one\u2019s feelings and needs ignored and invalidated.\u00a0 So if this is the helpless angry pain that produces terrorism, my willingness to feel it and refusal to act on it is one way of stopping terrorism.\u00a0 Perhaps the only way.\u00a0 This is work worth doing, worth staying alive for.<\/p>\n
Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m as bummed out as I\u2019ve ever been, I\u2019m completely discouraged and I want to die.\u00a0 Please help me. My intent is to help the earth, my prayer, my vision, is that people will live sustainably on the earth, that no more children will be abused and no more wars will be fought.\u00a0 We will find ways to live together in peace and harmony and creativity and celebration.\u00a0 That\u2019s my intent.<\/p>\n Guided meditation on going to the most painful place: I went to myself in the yurt wanting to die after reading the letter from R.\u00a0 The being who came to the door was Kuan Yin, and I didn\u2019t feel any different when she inhabited my body, but when I wasn\u2019t paying attention she started building a wall.\u00a0 The gift she gave me was a sword and shield and she said: \u201cNever be afraid to stand up for yourself, never be afraid to protect yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Written in January 2007) Got the usual invalidating message from R telling me that pain doesn\u2019t exist and I can choose not to think those thoughts. My first reaction is to want to die.\u00a0 My second is to get in … Continue reading
\n Dear Jenny, you don\u2019t want to die \u2014 what you really want is a life that works and you have no idea what to do to make that happen.\u00a0 Dear One, we love you and we don\u2019t want you to die.\u00a0 You are needed on the planet at this time.\u00a0 Your work in witnessing these feelings of despair is necessary to help shift humanity from the path of vengeance to the path of healing.\u00a0 Remember that the despair you are feeling is that of a child who has tried everything they know to change things, to fulfill their needs for affection, acknowledgement, comfort and support, only to find those needs completely ignored by the adults they are dependent on.\u00a0 This is one of the worst pains a human being can feel.\u00a0 Staying with it helps all those children trapped in that despair now, and the child you were who suffered this way in the past.\u00a0 Do not give up.\u00a0 All those children need you and we need you too.<\/em><\/p>\n