{"id":4471,"date":"2014-11-08T10:24:56","date_gmt":"2014-11-08T15:24:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4471"},"modified":"2014-11-08T17:04:08","modified_gmt":"2014-11-08T22:04:08","slug":"inner-gothic-teen-comes-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=4471","title":{"rendered":"Inner Gothic Teen Comes Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been reading Clarissa Pinkola Estes \u201cUntie the Strong Woman<\/a>,\u201d the chapter where she talks about working with teenage girls in prison.\u00a0 She called them her \u201cBlackbirds.\u201d\u00a0 I wonder about a part of me that\u2019s an angry and defiant teenager.\u00a0 I remember giving her some space when we were doing Journey into Courage.\u00a0 I drove Dana\u2019s small white sports car with the windows open and the sound track from Thelma & Louise on the tape deck with the volume turned up loud.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s the part of me that\u2019s my shadow: angry at me for being such a goody-goody, wanting to wear heavy makeup and sexy clothes, or defiant clothes, black, ragged, tight \u2014 and tattoos.\u00a0 What would I have for a tattoo?\u00a0 Kali.\u00a0 This part of me is angry at me, she\u2019s angry at the culture, she\u2019s angry at Mother.\u00a0 I always thought I couldn\u2019t do that \u2014 especially the lots of makeup \u2014 because I wasn\u2019t beautiful, but you don\u2019t need to be beautiful to be defiant.\u00a0 To find ways to give voice to that anger, rebellious anger \u2014 but I do!\u00a0 I do it all the time, posting things on Facebook and writing angry comments with them.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s the energy of anger I need to fuel my struggle with apathy.<\/p>\n

\"jenny<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve puzzled over my \u201cshadow\u201d because that\u2019s the part of me I\u2019ve rejected, don\u2019t acknowledge as part of me, according to Jung.\u00a0 Most of my shadow is positive, my creativity, my passionate caring about many things. \u00a0Mother made me so wrong for being creative (\u201cmaking a mess\u201d), for talking with enthusiasm about something I was interested in (\u201cthinking you\u2019re so great\u201d), for being happy and spontaneous when she was depressed, etc.\u00a0 So of course I hid those parts and thought I wasn\u2019t creative, etc.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been a long time learning that those parts of me are good and should be allowed to appear in my life.<\/p>\n

But now I\u2019m thinking of this other shadow who wears heavy makeup, dyes her hair black, wears black ragged clothing, hi-top shoes.\u00a0 Tattoos?\u00a0 Jewelry?\u00a0 Something clunky, lots of chains.<\/p>\n

I wonder what I\u2019d look like with black hair?\u00a0 Probably awful.\u00a0 I could do it for Halloween, black clothes and boots, go to the Halloween bonfire.<\/p>\n

\"jennysmilecolor\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I got fired-up, got temporary hair dye, gel, fake nose rings, black lipstick.\u00a0 It was really fun dressing up.\u00a0 I went to the church first \u2014 they have candy, veggies & dip, fruit and hot cider.\u00a0 A place for people when they\u2019re tired and cold.\u00a0 Surprise!\u00a0 Everybody thought I looked great, especially my hair.\u00a0 I asked Barry if I should come to church in costume and he said \u201cYes!\u201d\u00a0 I asked Victoria if I could wear it to sing in the choir and she said \u201cYes!\u201d\u00a0 OK.\u00a0 You asked for it.\u00a0 So I showed up in costume.\u00a0 Again I thought some people would criticize, I suppose if they did it wasn\u2019t to my face, and I had a lot of fun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been reading Clarissa Pinkola Estes \u201cUntie the Strong Woman,\u201d the chapter where she talks about working with teenage girls in prison.\u00a0 She called them her \u201cBlackbirds.\u201d\u00a0 I wonder about a part of me that\u2019s an angry and defiant teenager.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-activism","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4471","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4471"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4471\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}