I had a session with Erica yesterday.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been seeing her since June, but because she was away a lot during the summer, I just had to hold on.\u00a0 When she finally got back for good, it took a while for my inner baby to start trusting her.\u00a0 The work I\u2019m doing with her is about very early experiences, that are not at all easy to get ahold of, and then, because I get opened up to a lot of early stuff that\u2019s never been processed, I can have a hard time just getting through the day.<\/p>\n
At the end of August, Erica talked about me developing a relationship with the baby.\u00a0 How can I practice staying connected?\u00a0 Erica said \u201cThe baby needs to be acknowledged, appreciated, and responded to.\u201d\u00a0 I wrote at the time, \u201cI feel a lot of warmth.\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad to have the baby in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
But then I forgot about working on the relationship. Last week I became aware that I was \u201cchecking in\u201d with the baby, but not really creating a relationship with her.\u00a0 I would notice that she was crying, but then check out again.\u00a0 I never thought of comforting her.\u00a0 I suddenly saw mother, opening the door, seeing that I was crying and just closing the door again.\u00a0 So last week I tried to be aware of the baby all the time.\u00a0 I asked her what she needed, and how she felt about something I we? were doing, and she answered, more with feelings than with words.<\/p>\n
So last week when I checked in, I found that the baby was angry. \u00a0I asked her what she was angry about.\u00a0 She said she was angry because no one had seen that she was in trouble.\u00a0 I wrote a whole passage in my journal about that, about how the signs that were there were things that people hadn\u2019t learned to look for.\u00a0 When I told Erica, I said I understand that the relevant knowledge wasn\u2019t there, even after the Vietnam War people were still insisting that PTSD wasn\u2019t real, Peter Levine\u2019s book about the physiology of trauma wasn\u2019t published until 1997.\u00a0 Erica said \u201cCan you explain that to the baby?\u201d\u00a0 I tried, not feeling very successful.\u00a0 Erica asked if the baby got it.\u00a0 I checked and said yes, that she had relaxed.\u00a0 Erica said \u201cShe didn\u2019t understand your words, but she did understand your tone of voice, and how tenderly you are holding her.\u201d\u00a0 So I just sat and held the baby, feeling the tenderness, and it was all rounded and so comfortable that I just sat in silence, savoring it.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to break it.\u00a0 At one point a third woman appeared, holding me as I was holding Baby Jenny.<\/p>\n
I left the session feeing wonderfully in touch with Baby Jenny.\u00a0 Last night I asked the baby what she wanted to do.\u00a0 She said \u201cMake a clay sculpture of the three women.\u201d\u00a0 So I dug out my bag of clay, that\u2019s been sitting there for a long time.\u00a0 Some of it was still soft, so I cut it off, pounded the pieces flat, sprayed water on them and put them in a plastic ziploc bag.\u00a0 This morning I checked and it\u2019s softened, I\u2019m not sure enough that it can be worked, but I will keep trying.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I had a session with Erica yesterday.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been seeing her since June, but because she was away a lot during the summer, I just had to hold on.\u00a0 When she finally got back for good, it took a while … Continue reading