Father Greg, in Tattoos on the Heart, quotes Mother Teresa: \u201cWe are not called to be successful, but faithful.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought about that a lot yesterday.\u00a0 What am I called to be faithful to?\u00a0 I think of my accepted task, my work to heal myself.\u00a0 I am called to be faithful to that work.\u00a0 That means refusing to go down the trauma vortex, refusing to think about dying, refusing even to think negative thoughts.\u00a0 I can\u2019t actually keep the thoughts from coming into my mind, but as soon as I notice, I shift to one of my prayers, or concentrate on something in the present.\u00a0 This is hard to do when I feel so painfully lonely and sad.\u00a0 I hold on to my little dog toy, Muffy<\/a>, because that\u2019s all I have.\u00a0 I go on without a hope of getting better.\u00a0 \u201cNow plod on\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n So I\u2019m feeling very discouraged right now.\u00a0 I really am wondering what is the point of going on trying to heal.\u00a0 I am committed to the task, I am called to be faithful, not successful.\u00a0 My work right now is not to get better, but just refuse to go down into the trauma vortex, refuse to spend time with negative thinking, turning to my prayers instead.<\/p>\n I wrote somewhere that if I couldn\u2019t count on getting better, I had to find compassion for myself.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s this woman.\u00a0 She\u2019s so lonely, and in grief for her beloved dog who died.\u00a0 She\u2019s sitting in her house, where she\u2019s totally alone, and she\u2019s hugging a little dog toy for comfort.\u00a0 That\u2019s how lonely she is.\u00a0 That helps me soften and tears come into my eyes.\u00a0 Can I feel some compassion for this woman?\u00a0 Yes, I can.\u00a0 I know there are a lot of lonely people out there, who don\u2019t have the resources I have.<\/p>\n My heart feels so cold.\u00a0 I try to bring softness and gentleness.\u00a0 Hold my heart with warmth and caring.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good heart \u2014 it hurts from being alone, and it hurts because it cares about the natural world and sees it being damaged and destroyed by humans.\u00a0 I want to lie down and die.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve chosen not to go there.\u00a0 Then what do I do with the rest of my life?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Father Greg, in Tattoos on the Heart, quotes Mother Teresa: \u201cWe are not called to be successful, but faithful.\u201d I thought about that a lot yesterday.\u00a0 What am I called to be faithful to?\u00a0 I think of my accepted task, … Continue reading