I felt better this morning once I got out of bed.\u00a0 Lying in bed after I woke up was miserable.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking that if God comes to us disguised as our life \u2014 for a moment I saw my miserable unhappy life, and felt compassion for it.\u00a0 Earlier this morning I was thinking that my task is to learn to love each moment, no matter how good or awful it is.<\/p>\n
I look out at the flower basket pulled to the ground and think I\u2019ve got to go out and fix that, and then I feel cold in my stomach.\u00a0 I\u2019m scared to go outside.\u00a0 So \u2014 do I push myself to go out and fix it, or do I be gentle and kind to myself?\u00a0 If the flower basket is more important than I am, then I have to push myself.\u00a0 That\u2019s how I was brought up, to believe that material objects were more important than my health and welfare.\u00a0 But if I think of myself as being more important than the flower basket \u2014 that feels very wrong.\u00a0 How dare I think I\u2019m more important.\u00a0 I look at the basket and think that it\u2019s fine where it is.\u00a0 It\u2019s not resting on the ground, it\u2019s not tipped over or anything.\u00a0 How it is is fine with the plant.\u00a0 I want to \u201cfix it\u201d so I can look at it without guilt, I also want to move it so I can see it better.<\/p>\n
Went over to Neskaya and got the praying mantis egg case.\u00a0 I keep forgetting it and have been worrying about little mantises all over Neskaya.\u00a0 I brought it home and tied it to the branch of a maple tree that is just outside the door.\u00a0 Then, since I was out there, I straightened the pole and hung the flower basket.\u00a0 Then I started dead-heading the flowers, and suddenly I was having trouble breathing.\u00a0 So I stopped and came in.<\/p>\n
What would Jesus do?\u00a0 Jesus reassures me that whether I do it or don\u2019t do it, God still loves me.\u00a0 Whether I take care of myself or don\u2019t take care of myself, God still loves me.\u00a0 But surely God wants me to be healthy and happy?\u00a0 But God also wants me to take care of myself because I want to, not because I think I \u201cshould.\u201d\u00a0 I can feel god\u2019s love surrounding me, tho it\u2019s very subtle.\u00a0 I\u2019m savoring it.\u00a0 I can see that there are some dark places inside that are resisting god.\u00a0 I feel compassion for them.\u00a0 O yes, the dark parts of me \u2014 I love them all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I felt better this morning once I got out of bed.\u00a0 Lying in bed after I woke up was miserable.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking that if God comes to us disguised as our life \u2014 for a moment I saw my miserable … Continue reading