I have a friend who\u2019s lived with a man for years, but she\u2019s not happy with him.\u00a0 He\u2019s an alcoholic who stopped drinking, but never did the work of the twelve steps. \u00a0He’s what\u2019s known as a \u201cdry drunk.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s so mean to her.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t do it when I\u2019m around.\u00a0 Yesterday he got going on the social-political-economic mess.\u00a0 I said a few things in agreement, but R asked him to stop.\u00a0 I had to agree with her \u2014 it\u2019s true that looking at how bad it is tends to send me into despair and hopelessness.\u00a0 R really doesn\u2019t enjoy living in the same house with him, but she can\u2019t survive on her own.\u00a0 She\u2019s tried to get a job, but no one wants to hire an older woman.\u00a0 I said maybe she has some karma to work out.<\/p>\n
I realize that I\u2019m in a similar position.\u00a0 I\u2019m unhappy with my life as it is now \u2014 not with the physical part of it which is good, but my prevailing mood of discomfort and disappointment.\u00a0 I\u2019m stuck with it.\u00a0 Although I do occasionally have \u201cdays of grace\u201d I don\u2019t know how to make them happen.\u00a0 All I can do is keep doing the practices that create a readiness to receive grace.\u00a0 These are: the stretches to keep my body limber, walking, getting to bed at a regular time, having body work, reciting affirmations, singing in the choir, dancing at Neskaya, doing my best to stay in the present, typing journal and posting to the blog, spending time with people I can be real with (people I know love me).\u00a0 One thing that I\u2019ve found really difficult is being present to the states of scared & sad & hopeless & helpless, accepting them, bringing compassion to them.\u00a0 It\u2019s helpful if I can remember to say \u201cscared is here\u201d rather than \u201cI am scared.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes I can see it as a scared child and reach out to comfort it.\u00a0 The hardest piece is being angry and disappointed with myself for losing the days of grace.\u00a0 Knowing what it was like to feel comfortable in my life makes it so hard to be without that.\u00a0 Like today.\u00a0 I\u2019m \u201cOK,\u201d I\u2019m not really sad or scared, but I don\u2019t feel comfortable either.\u00a0 Then my job is to accept the discomfort, to put my arms around her and bring compassion to her pain.<\/p>\n
I also have my mantra of \u201cI choose to trust \u2026 that my life is meaningful, that my healing work on myself helps both people and the planet\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve also been doing tong-len<\/a> with whatever feelings I\u2019m struggling with.\u00a0 I see that I could do it for people who are disappointed with themselves.\u00a0 I can also work on what I did in last week\u2019s session with Caryn.\u00a0 Let love in \u201cdrop by drop,\u201d from all the people who I know love me.\u00a0 Allow the nourishing energy of the earth to seep in from below, and then allow the radiance that other people see to flow out into the world.<\/p>\n I have a friend who\u2019s lived with a man for years, but she\u2019s not happy with him.\u00a0 He\u2019s an alcoholic who stopped drinking, but never did the work of the twelve steps. \u00a0He’s what\u2019s known as a \u201cdry drunk.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s … Continue reading