When I wrote yesterday, I was astonished to find that the universe and god felt so different.\u00a0 The universe I connect to when I imagine the creative love that becomes the universe, is what I really believe is the REAL universe.\u00a0 But obviously that belief hasn\u2019t gotten very deep in my psyche.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been imagining the universe and god being roughly equivalent, and now I find that they aren\u2019t at all.<\/p>\n
The different ideas of god and the universe, and the differing experiences<\/span> of god and the universe.\u00a0 Sometimes when you change your thinking, your experience changes as well.\u00a0 I think of the time when these words came out of my mouth: \u201cIf I get a PhD in geology, I will be so threatening that no man will want to marry me and my life will be wasted.\u201d\u00a0 That was so clearly not true that I went out the next day and registered for a geology class.\u00a0 Sometimes it takes longer.\u00a0 Thinking of the universe as creative and supportive, is very different from experiencing<\/span> the support.\u00a0 My experience is that the universe is huge and impersonal.\u00a0 But at least my thinking is very solid.\u00a0 I know that the truth about the universe is that it is unimaginably creative, that it is headed in a positive direction.\u00a0 But whether or not the universe actually supports<\/span> me is a little more difficult.\u00a0 That\u2019s not embodied experience yet.<\/p>\n Then there\u2019s my image of god which has changed from the punitive father god to \u201ccapricious, malicious, and willful,\u201d to the god who flew out of the gates of heaven to welcome me.\u00a0 That image was a surprise.\u00a0 I had no idea that my knowing about god had changed so radically.\u00a0 Of course I matter to that god.\u00a0 But that god also feels small and local, the god of the solar system and the nearer stars, but not god of the galaxies scattered through the enormous distances of space.<\/p>\n I think that the time between changing the thought, and finding that the embodied experience has changed, is related to how deep and old the wound is.\u00a0 Newer woundings heal very quickly.\u00a0 Old wounds can take a long time.\u00a0 I still struggle with the belief that it\u2019s not OK to feel good about myself, and the belief that I have to prove I deserve to live.<\/p>\n Previous blog posts on these topics When I wrote yesterday, I was astonished to find that the universe and god felt so different.\u00a0 The universe I connect to when I imagine the creative love that becomes the universe, is what I really believe is the REAL … Continue reading
\ncapricious, malicious and willful<\/a>
\nI will be so threatening<\/a>
\nat home in the universe<\/a>
\nfriendly universe<\/a>
\nmeditation on god and universe<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"