Tired and slow.\u00a0 A little discouraged.\u00a0 I called both Eve and Barbara, and they didn\u2019t call back.\u00a0 No matter what I did: read, play solitaire, I could feel the sadness like a weight in my heart.\u00a0 I did try to just sit with it too.<\/p>\n
After supper, Lynelle and I had a visit.\u00a0 I told her about the song we sing \u201cI\u2019m gonna live so god can use me,\u201d and how I find it hard to see that god can use me when I\u2019m so depressed.\u00a0 Lynelle said she thought that just keeping going was helping god.\u00a0 She said she thought that god wasn\u2019t finished yet, and our work helps with that task.\u00a0 Just choosing for compassion, instead of anger, blame, etc. is helping god.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m grateful for Lynelle, for Barbara, for Eve, for Dr. Dean.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for Victoria and the choir, and for Tom.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for the sun and the moon and the snow.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for Jane and Lana.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for Karen and Caryn.\u00a0 Grateful for sky and trees, for chickadees and bluejays, for goldfinches.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m feeling heavy, especially in the middle of my torso, and a slight nausea feeling, more emotional than physical.\u00a0 There\u2019s a little sadness, and some fear and discouragement about how humans are poisoning the earth.\u00a0 Bring compassion, hold all that angst with compassion.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s pain all over my body.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t feel like coming down with flu. I wonder if this is the pain in the emotional body that Elizabeth talks about.\u00a0 While I was doing my stretches, I thought that one of the things God needs me to do is help heal the human energy field by my work on healing myself.\u00a0 If that\u2019s true, then I\u2019m willing to feel this pain and to bring compassion to it.\u00a0 At the moment I feel very solidly that that is true.\u00a0 Usually, when I\u2019m able to accept\/know that I am helping the earth, it makes me feel better.\u00a0 It\u2019s not doing that today, even though my knowing is very solid.\u00a0 But it doesn\u2019t matter how I feel, what does matter is I am willing to have god use me in this way.<\/p>\n
This was written a month ago.\u00a0 This last month has been so unbelievably difficult.\u00a0 I\u2019m totally discouraged, feeling exhausted, also feeling unreal somehow, I\u2019ve been alone too much.\u00a0 It\u2019s when I\u2019m alone that I really go downhill.\u00a0 I read what I said, about being willing to be used by god to help heal the human energy field.\u00a0 I said \u201cI\u2019m willing to feel this pain and bring compassion to it.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize it was going to be so difficult.\u00a0 Now I pray to God that this is too much for me, please send me some help, or make it easier somehow.<\/p>\n
Tired and slow.\u00a0 A little discouraged.\u00a0 I called both Eve and Barbara, and they didn\u2019t call back.\u00a0 No matter what I did: read, play solitaire, I could feel the sadness like a weight in my heart.\u00a0 I did try to … Continue reading