(There were no more “days of grace” after this journal entry.)<\/p>\n
The word \u201cbleak\u201d occurred to me this morning.\u00a0 The first time in a month.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t think I\u2019m bleak so much as sad and disappointed.\u00a0 The weekend was tough.\u00a0 Church did not cheer me up because Barry and Victoria were both gone.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Just saw the cardinals! \u2014<\/p>\n
I was thinking about writing down my intentions when they appeared.<\/p>\n
(2\/12)\u00a0 I intend to shift to positive thinking before I even get started down a negative path. \u00a0 I intend to bring compassion to whatever is there in the moment.\u00a0 I intend to stay in the present.<\/p>\n
(2\/21)\u00a0 I intend to live in the moment, to be fully present to each moment.\u00a0 I intend to do the will of god.\u00a0 I intend to be very very kind to myself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Lynelle said because Linda, Pat, Barbara, Eve, Barry are all away, I\u2019m having a hard time.\u00a0 This is big<\/span>, having so many support people away.\u00a0 That helped me be more compassionate toward myself.<\/p>\n
Yesterday, feeling totally powerless, I reminded myself: I don\u2019t create or choose depression, and I can\u2019t make it go away.\u00a0 All I can do is keep doing practices: staying in the moment, bringing compassion, etc.<\/p>\n
As I ask God to remove the depression and redirect me to what He would have me do and be \u2014 I wonder if depression is part of what god wants me to be?\u00a0 Surely not, surely god wants me to thrive.\u00a0 The first \u201cday of grace,\u201d I felt that I was finally<\/span> who I really am.\u00a0 The depression is just an obstacle, or a teaching challenge.\u00a0 In order to be who I really am, I have to persist in the practices that get me there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(There were no more “days of grace” after this journal entry.) The word \u201cbleak\u201d occurred to me this morning.\u00a0 The first time in a month.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t think I\u2019m bleak so much as sad and disappointed.\u00a0 The weekend was … Continue reading