I\u2019ve been sick for a couple of days.\u00a0 Headache and ache all over.\u00a0 This flu announced itself by two days of bottom of the pit depression.\u00a0 Friends would try to cheer me up and I would just cry.\u00a0 I spent yesterday mostly sitting on the couch, reading and playing solitaire.\u00a0 But it was such a relief to be sick and know that was what the depression was about.\u00a0 It’s happened to me before, and when the cause is revealed to be physical, I take care of myself, instead of trying to make the depression go away. \u00a0I didn\u2019t feel well enough to type.\u00a0 I did walk out to the mailbox.\u00a0 That\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve done it since Bella died.<\/p>\n
I went back and read some of my blog.\u00a0 I\u2019m always surprised to find that it comforts me.\u00a0 In one post there was a link to Maria Farantouri singing \u201cAsma Asmaton\u201d from a cycle of songs about Mauthausen, a concentration camp in Austria.\u00a0 The YouTube video shows Mikis Theodorakis conducting, and there were two other songs from Mauthausen, so I listened to all three.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know how I found the video of Kaelynn and her story of abuse, being bullied and how she can now stand up for people who are hurting and being bullied.\u00a0 Other videos showed up with similar stories.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t tried to watch them all.\u00a0 There\u2019s one with a cut and bleeding arm that I haven\u2019t been able to watch yet.\u00a0 Cutting myself was the story I told on the stage in Journey into Courage.\u00a0 I talked about identifying with soldiers with PTSD.\u00a0 At that time, early 1990\u2019s, I had no idea that I too was suffering from PTSD.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been trying to figure out why these stories of painful experiences make me feel so strengthened.\u00a0 The video of Theodorakis and Farantouri, though it was made in 1975, it\u2019s in black & white, the quality isn\u2019t great.\u00a0 Yet their energy and seriousness are like a ritual that brings beauty out of a horrible tale of human cruelty.\u00a0 Their passion moves my heart.\u00a0 That a Greek poet, imprisoned in a concentration camp, should write poems about how love shows up, even in such hideous circumstances, and that they should be given musical life with such power, makes me feel that beside the truth that human beings can do unbelievably cruel things to other human beings is the other truth of love. \u00a0The three songs have become known as \u201cThe Mauthausen Trilogy<\/a>\u201d and become immensely popular.<\/p>\n The first song \u201cAsma Asmaton\u201d (Song of Songs) is a Greek man singing of his love for a Jewish girl:\u00a0 \u201cNobody knows how beautiful she was.\u201d\u00a0 The second song is about a Greek man named Antoni who helps a fallen Jew when they are being forced to carry heavy rocks.\u00a0 The third is \u201cWhen the War is Over.\u201d<\/p>\n The torn pieces of paper with her story written by hand, gives an immediacy to Kaelynn\u2019s<\/a> story of being abused by her family and then bullied at school. At the end she says \u201cI now stand up for the weak, the hurt, the lost, and the bullied.\u201d<\/p>\n Sami, age 16, shares a long painful story, bullied because she was depressed, yet at the end she can say: “I am scared but that’s OK! \u00a0So far each thing has made me stronger<\/span>! wiser<\/span>! more loving<\/span>!” \u00a0 \u00a0There was a link to this story, but when I went back to check it, YouTube said “that video is no longer available.”<\/p>\n One more thing that strengthened me was a 10 minute TEDx talk by Ash Beckham<\/a> on \u00a0 coming out of the closet. \u00a0She talks about being real, being authentic, and I realize that’s why all these videos strengthen me. \u00a0People being real and speaking their truth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been sick for a couple of days.\u00a0 Headache and ache all over.\u00a0 This flu announced itself by two days of bottom of the pit depression.\u00a0 Friends would try to cheer me up and I would just cry.\u00a0 I spent … Continue reading