(Written in June 2004)
\nWhat to do when I fall into depression.\u00a0 Remind myself that the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness and worthlessness are not giving me information about reality.\u00a0 They are caused by brain chemistry and trauma.\u00a0 The truth is that I do care about life, that I do value it as something precious and so I get angry at myself when depression makes it impossible to enjoy little things.\u00a0 How about some compassion for this poor woman who can\u2019t even enjoy small beautiful things because of her brain chemistry.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t got any choice about my brain chemistry or about my vulnerability to depression.\u00a0 I do have choices about my thoughts and life style that can support me in not being depressed all the time.\u00a0 I do know that it is sometimes necessary to surrender to depression.
\nI remind myself that that\u2019s why I came here to Kripalu: to surrender to depression in an environment where I\u2019m supported by food and yoga classes and where I have no demands on my energy and time.<\/p>\n
Why does depression make me so unhappy?
\n1) It feels<\/em> like everything is worthless
\n2) No energy for doing things I care about: walk dog, clean building
\n3) no satisfaction from accomplishment
\n4) other people will be disappointed & will judge me<\/p><\/blockquote>\nI need empathy<\/em> for my lack of energy, not judgement<\/em>.\u00a0 Not trying to make myself do things.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have enough energy to take care of myself, much less the dog or the building.
\nI don\u2019t want<\/em> to take care of myself because I don\u2019t value<\/em> myself.\u00a0 I was neglected as a child and so my habit is to neglect myself.\u00a0 When I have so little energy I resent<\/em> having to use it to take care of myself \u2014 I would so much rather be using it to teach dances, help Lynelle, talk to Alyssa.\u00a0 But if I don\u2019t take care of myself \u2014 I am the instrument with which I do these things that I care about \u2014 then I\u2019m not able to do them.\u00a0 I suppose that\u2019s really the bottom line.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"(Written in June 2004) What to do when I fall into depression.\u00a0 Remind myself that the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness and worthlessness are not giving me information about reality.\u00a0 They are caused by brain chemistry and trauma.\u00a0 The truth … Continue reading