Friday<\/p>\n
My heart aches.\u00a0 This is the other side of loving Bella.\u00a0 I accept the ache as the price of loving.\u00a0 I would not choose to refuse the love in order to avoid the pain.\u00a0 I put my arms around myself and tell her I love her because she\u2019s willing to accept the pain.\u00a0 And the pain fades.\u00a0 What can I say? \u00a0 Thank you.<\/p>\n
Friday, a week later<\/p>\n
My heart is hurting.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why and I\u2019m certainly not treating it as an honored guest.\u00a0 Dear Heart, I know you\u2019ve been hurt a lot.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been battered and bruised and stabbed.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been burnt and poisoned, you\u2019ve opened yourself to love and been rejected over and over.\u00a0 You want so badly to give good things to the world, but you\u2019ve been shamed so many times it\u2019s hard to feel your gifts are worth offering.\u00a0 Dear Heart, I love you, and I know some of your pain is about loving and losing Bella.\u00a0 I would not choose to not love Bella and avoid this pain.\u00a0 I\u2019m willing to bear this pain as the price of loving.\u00a0 And there\u2019s pain for the earth too, so badly treated and exploited, and pain for all the people, especially children, who are being abused and exploited and trashed.\u00a0 I feel honored to be with this pain, it\u2019s the other side of my caring for the world and it\u2019s creatures, including human beings.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t hurt so much if I didn\u2019t care so much.\u00a0 And I\u2019m not going to stop caring.<\/p>\n
This time the pain lasted most of the day, and faded so slowly I failed to notice.\u00a0 I have finally learned how to do this.\u00a0 The problem with having the pain fade when honestly accepted, is that the next time it\u2019s too easy to \u201caccept it\u201d as a means of getting it to go away. This doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 You have to truly want it to stay as long as it needs to, and then it doesn\u2019t matter if it goes away or not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Friday My heart aches.\u00a0 This is the other side of loving Bella.\u00a0 I accept the ache as the price of loving.\u00a0 I would not choose to refuse the love in order to avoid the pain.\u00a0 I put my arms around … Continue reading