{"id":35,"date":"2010-02-22T13:01:49","date_gmt":"2010-02-22T13:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=35"},"modified":"2020-10-24T11:55:21","modified_gmt":"2020-10-24T15:55:21","slug":"alcoholic-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=35","title":{"rendered":"Alcoholic Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

The July 4 monologue<\/a> describes a weekend with my parents while my father was dying in July 1986.\u00a0 I wrote everything that happened in my journal to help me ground and keep me sane.\u00a0 I thought of trying to turn it into a play, but realized I had no idea what Mom or Dad would say other than the quotes I had written down.\u00a0 In a workshop at Rowe Conference Center<\/a>, \u201cThe Healing Power of Theater\u201d with Jean Claude van Italie<\/a>, I learned a form of monologue which was really powerful.\u00a0 I rewrote my journal entries in this form.<\/p>\n

Typing up the July 4 monologue in July 2009, I\u2019m seeing how crazy-making Mother was, how all my attempts to help were slashed and made wrong, how totally cowed I was, how unable to speak truth, barely able to think it even.\u00a0 When I get the whole thing typed up, I want to take it to Caryn, read it out loud and say the things I wish I could have been able to say.\u00a0 (\u201cI don\u2019t like being distrusted.\u201d \u201cAre you trustworthy?\u00a0 Why did Dad have to go to the hospital?\u00a0 Because you were too drunk to take care of him.\u201d)<\/p>\n

I told Caryn about how I would speak to the July 4 monologue, and she had me say something specific, so I said in answer to \u201cI don\u2019t like to be distrusted\u201d \u2014 \u201cExcuse me, but you\u2019re not trustworthy.\u201d\u00a0 She asked how it felt in my body \u2014 upright and strong \u2014 and then said that my vulnerability and grief should be there too.\u00a0 She said it was like a chord, with all the different notes.\u00a0 I really liked the idea, but didn\u2019t see how to do it.\u00a0 But I tried \u201cExcuse me, but you\u2019re not trustworthy\u201d again, and I could feel that it was softer, that the grief was there.\u00a0 She wants me to practice having both strength and vulnerability.<\/p>\n

I read Elizabeth the July 4 monologue with comments from the future.\u00a0 We both laughed in places.\u00a0 Before I started I described myself as a \u201cwimp\u201d, unable to speak truth to them, ashamed of how much I was cowed by them.\u00a0 Elizabeth said not to put myself down, that she was impressed with my patience with those two impossible people.\u00a0 She said not only did I do MY best to help, but I did THE best that was possible, given that nothing would work with a passive-aggressive alcoholic like Mom.\u00a0 She was only sorry I was so hurt by it.\u00a0 I was really touched and started crying.\u00a0 I really did try my hardest to make things OK for two impossible people in an impossible situation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The July 4 monologue describes a weekend with my parents while my father was dying in July 1986.\u00a0 I wrote everything that happened in my journal to help me ground and keep me sane.\u00a0 I thought of trying to turn … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trauma"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}