{"id":3496,"date":"2013-01-31T09:31:48","date_gmt":"2013-01-31T14:31:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=3496"},"modified":"2013-02-13T09:39:26","modified_gmt":"2013-02-13T14:39:26","slug":"isolated","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=3496","title":{"rendered":"Isolated"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I haven\u2019t built a fire.\u00a0 I just have a candle lit.\u00a0 I\u2019m remembering that I felt that a new layer of trauma had come up to be processed.\u00a0 If I go to Christine\u2019s, I\u2019ll be pushing it aside.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s better to stay here today and face the feelings.\u00a0 In \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Winter-Solstice-Rosamunde-Pilcher\/dp\/0312978383\" target=\"_blank\">Winter Solstice<\/a>,\u201d referring to Oscar\u2019s loss of wife and daughter, it talks about deep grief and how difficult it is to negotiate the terrain.\u00a0 I can feel the same deep grief in myself, but the cause is not so focused, the loss is not having friends, neighbors, family that I can relate to easily like they do in the book, not having someone to rescue me, as Elfrida rescues Oscar, and Carrie rescues Lucy.\u00a0 Nobody was there for me, I spent my darkest times alone.<\/p>\n<p>Woke with a jolt of fear.\u00a0 So tired I just wanted to lie back down.\u00a0 I was pretty depressed all day yesterday.\u00a0 Did not have the energy to do what I had to in order to leave for Christine\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Dear Guides &amp; Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m pretty bummed out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s from loneliness or having no energy.\u00a0 Please help me.<br \/>\n<em> Dear Jenny, we love you very much.\u00a0 This depression is a combination of things: let down after the busy weekend, a difficult conversation with a good friend, and the old, old material that is surfacing now.\u00a0 Feeling lonely and hopeless and helpless is the essence of it.\u00a0 We suggest you not try contacting friends.\u00a0 You need to talk to someone who understands.\u00a0 We suggest calling Barry at the Church, or Karen.\u00a0 Dear Jenny, don\u2019t be so hard on yourself.\u00a0 You will come out of this, you always have.\u00a0 Remember, we love you and God loves you, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">just as you are<\/span>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Just got back from massage.\u00a0 Cory called me earlier, concerned about me.\u00a0 She had picked up on the depression.\u00a0 While I was lying on the table, I realized that I was feeling very isolated, in fact everybody was isolated, all of us at a distance from each other, self enclosed, and the space between was cold and empty and bright.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I haven\u2019t built a fire.\u00a0 I just have a candle lit.\u00a0 I\u2019m remembering that I felt that a new layer of trauma had come up to be processed.\u00a0 If I go to Christine\u2019s, I\u2019ll be pushing it aside.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=3496\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,3,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-guidance","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3496"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3496\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}