Yesterday was tough.\u00a0 I felt sad and scared and lost.\u00a0 So lost that even things like cooking breakfast and setting out supplements seemed strange.\u00a0 There was bright sun and bitter cold, which always makes me think of the front bedroom in the house in Portland where I lived when I first came back to the East Coast.\u00a0 I was badly depressed all that winter.\u00a0 Gosh, just writing about it brings cold to my chest.
\nI knew lost, scared and sad was a flashback to childhood but I didn\u2019t do anything about it until I was driving to Cory for massage.\u00a0 This is the third time I\u2019ve sorted out some difficulty in my psyche while driving to someone I knew would be welcoming and comforting.
\nSo I said to the child \u201cOf course you\u2019re lost, no one ever supported you or praised you or mirrored you accurately.\u00a0 Of course you\u2019re scared, you\u2019re expected to know how to do things nobody ever taught you, you\u2019re expected to do things you aren\u2019t old enough to do.\u00a0 Of course you\u2019re sad, no one ever showed you any affection or tenderness.”\u00a0 To my surprise, the feeling faded.\u00a0 This is the self-regulation Caryn talks about.<\/p>\n
But this morning my cleaning lady didn\u2019t arrive.\u00a0 I called her and it went to voice mail.\u00a0 So I\u2019m worried that something may have happened to her.\u00a0 But I\u2019m also scared because waiting for someone triggers waiting for my mother to come when I was a helpless infant and needed her for everything.\u00a0 Alas, talking to the baby didn\u2019t help this time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday was tough.\u00a0 I felt sad and scared and lost.\u00a0 So lost that even things like cooking breakfast and setting out supplements seemed strange.\u00a0 There was bright sun and bitter cold, which always makes me think of the front bedroom … Continue reading