(Written in February 2010)
\nThe session with Caryn was hard work.\u00a0 I went to the corner and asked for a blanket and curled up, also holding the cushion in front of me.\u00a0 I started crying and saying how I was a failure, and not capable of doing life, and how I was ashamed.\u00a0 I cried and cried.\u00a0 Finally she asked me to slow the crying down and see what I could notice.\u00a0 There was my butt, and the window, and the trees beyond the deck.\u00a0 Maybe I focussed on one tree \u2014 a birch \u2014 which turned out to be two.\u00a0 There would be waves of misery, and return to the resource.\u00a0 Finally I stopped crying and sat up, feeling empty in my torso, like everything had drained out.\u00a0 Caryn asked me to find a less judgemental word, so I said \u201cdiffuse\u201d and then drained and washed out.\u00a0 She suggested I sit with that feeling of washed out, and see what happened.\u00a0 I could feel my butt like a strong lid, made of thick leather perhaps, and closing off the bottom of my torso so no more could drain out.\u00a0 The next thing I noticed was my abdomen seemed to be filling up, feeling more solid.\u00a0 Then there was a little bit of fear, like a lump, in the area of my stomach.\u00a0 As I stayed with it, it spread out, perhaps like a dark cap on the energy in the abdomen. We discussed the process: letting me express myself, but not letting it go on too long, asking me to slow it down and find a resource.\u00a0 She told me that her neighbor, Liz, took the training when she did.\u00a0 She\u2019s in Cloverly House, and I could see her when Caryn\u2019s away.\u00a0 I felt a surge of hope.\u00a0 I told her about that experience with Kevin when I became a planet.\u00a0 Talked about how the scientist is sometimes a resource \u2014 alert for data that can contradict my beliefs & fears.\u00a0 I told her about a friend saying that I could laugh, even tho depressed \u2014 she doesn\u2019t remember me being able to do that, and also that I was better able to receive positive feedback.\u00a0 That helped a lot.\u00a0 I may be feeling horrible, but I\u2019m not in the place I was, I have healed.\u00a0 We also worked on my fear about \u201cempty Saturday\u201d \u2014 no one set up to come.\u00a0 I can write it now and feel OK instead of scared.\u00a0 (Good for me!)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in February 2010) The session with Caryn was hard work.\u00a0 I went to the corner and asked for a blanket and curled up, also holding the cushion in front of me.\u00a0 I started crying and saying how I was … Continue reading