I wrote this in the early ’90s.\u00a0 I was writing it for a friend who was struggling with PTSD.\u00a0 I didn’t know that I was struggling with it too.<\/p>\n
What not to say to us<\/p>\n
\u201cWallowing in your misery\u201d
\nI don\u2019t wallow in my misery, it swallows me.
\n\u201cWallow\u201d implies I have a choice, that I could get up out of the mud and walk away.
\nBut the mud is in me, clinging
\nit moves sluggishly through my veins
\nit clogs my thoughts
\nit dissolves my vision in greyness
\nit fills my muscles with tension and pain.
\nI am my misery
\nI wish I could get up and walk away from myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you get a job?\u201d
\nI have a job.
\nI\u2019m dragging a huge invisible burden
\nhauling ghosts and voices that drag me back,
\n\u201coughts\u201d and \u201cshoulds\u201d that weigh a ton.
\nBefore I can feed myself I must fight my way
\npast an invisible barrier that says
\n\u201cyou aren\u2019t worth it.\u201d
\nIn order to pick up my mail
\nI cross an invisible minefield of
\npeople who ignore me or
\nglare at me or
\n(worst of all) ask me how I am.
\nI spend all day working at
\nnot killing myself.
\nIt\u2019s a full time job.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy can\u2019t you forget it?\u201d
\nWhen your arm is torn off in an accident
\ndo you forget it?
\nOh, it\u2019s possible to forget the accident
\nnumbed by shock, anesthetized by pain
\nI wake in the hospital swathed in bandages
\nI have a hazy recollection of noise
\nGrinding metal, smashing glass.
\nThe doctors stitch up the hole where my arm was
\n\u201cThere, you\u2019re fine\u201d they say.<\/p>\n
My life is now an endless series of small battles
\nto tie my shoes
\nto brush my teeth
\nto count my change
\nwith only one arm.
\nHow dare you ask me \u201cWhy can\u2019t you forget it?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wrote this in the early ’90s.\u00a0 I was writing it for a friend who was struggling with PTSD.\u00a0 I didn’t know that I was struggling with it too. What not to say to us \u201cWallowing in your misery\u201d I … Continue reading