I am feeling profoundly lonely.\u00a0 I know I need to see at least one person who cares about me every day.\u00a0 Due to a life-long struggle with depression, I didn\u2019t have a chance to make a lot of friends.\u00a0 My two long-term friends have only stayed friends because they also know what it is to struggle with emotional dysfunction.\u00a0 I have some friends who have hurt me badly in the past due to not understanding about PTSD, and though I can still be friendly with them, I don\u2019t fully trust them, so I can\u2019t be completely real with them.\u00a0 I have a lot of friends who are acquaintances, but many of them I don\u2019t know well enough to know if I\u2019m safe sharing the realities of my life.\u00a0 I also don\u2019t have a lot of chances to meet people.\u00a0 My social life revolves around people who come to Neskaya.\u00a0 People who come to dancing may live far enough away that getting to them for a visit is problematic.\u00a0 This is another difficulty of living in the country.\u00a0 It\u2019s also true that when I go to public events, like gallery openings, if I\u2019m already depressed, I just feel worse in a group of people who appear to be having a good time.\u00a0 If I\u2019m not depressed I enjoy them.\u00a0 But that means they can\u2019t be a resource in times of depression.
\nThis last week, I\u2019ve been sick, and had to cancel an appointment and a lunch date.\u00a0 Being sick means I can\u2019t do a lot of things, and that leaves me vulnerable to depression.\u00a0 Sometimes I don’t know if I’m sick because I’m depressed, or depressed because I’m sick.\u00a0 Unfortunately, depression tend to reinforce itself.
\nBeing able to enjoy things, as I found out when I was first on medication, is a function of normal brain chemistry.\u00a0 It\u2019s only recently that I\u2019ve begun to be able to enjoy most of my day, no matter what I\u2019m doing.\u00a0 So that makes this recent descent into depression more painful.
\nI\u2019ve been trying to think of what I could do to have more human contact in my life.\u00a0 One is to find ways to participate in a local church.\u00a0 I like the minister, I really liked what he had to say when I went to services at Christmas and Easter.\u00a0 A friend of mine is in the choir.\u00a0 She has suggested I join, and that\u2019s not a bad idea.\u00a0 There is also a discussion group on two Wednesdays in December.\u00a0 And the food pantry which I might be able to help with \u2014 it would only work for me if I was a part of a group, not doing something all by myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am feeling profoundly lonely.\u00a0 I know I need to see at least one person who cares about me every day.\u00a0 Due to a life-long struggle with depression, I didn\u2019t have a chance to make a lot of friends.\u00a0 My … Continue reading