(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008)
\nLast day.\u00a0 I can\u2019t say I\u2019m glad to go home \u2014 I\u2019m actually scared.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s another warning to me that I do need to find medication that works.\u00a0 One possible resource is asking my friends to witness for me, and reading from this journal.
\nMoved into a double room with a delightful woman and had an hour\u2019s delightful talk before bed.\u00a0 We had a lot of similar interests.\u00a0 I told her about Neskaya and PTSD.\u00a0 She was interested and sympathetic.\u00a0 [This astonished me. I\u2019m feeling completely hopeless, I get to talk to an interested stranger and I\u2019m fine, I walk out and am back to hopeless.\u00a0 Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personalities.]
\nO yes chanting as a resource.\u00a0 It really does help.<\/p>\n
I periodically feel a great wave of hopelessness, it bowls me over with heaviness and rolls me flat on the earth.\u00a0 I see that it\u2019s the part in my pattern where, after a setback, I \u201cconclude I can\u2019t do it.\u201d I\u2019ve been fighting it, usually setting it aside, and making myself think of something else, e.g. count my breaths with fierceness.\u00a0 But at some point it occurred to me that that might be the baby\u2019s way of asking for attention.\u00a0 So I\u2019ll try to remember when those times come \u2014 it\u2019s a traumatized baby who\u2019s feeling so helpless\/hopeless and my job is just to sit with her and reassure her of my presence.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t concentrate on results, but on the value, truth and rightness of the work you do.\u00a0 \u2014 Thomas Merton<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008) Last day.\u00a0 I can\u2019t say I\u2019m glad to go home \u2014 I\u2019m actually scared.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s another warning to me that I do need to find medication that works.\u00a0 One possible resource … Continue reading