(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008)
\nI realize that just through doing the meditation I\u2019ve begun to tease apart the tangled feelings in my heart and am also beginning to feel more strong and clear about what to do about W and solstice.\u00a0 Things come up as thoughts during the meditation and I notice them and put them aside.\u00a0 Gradually, they\u2019ve been changing.\u00a0 The first day whenever I thought about her I felt the heavy drag of hopelessness and sadness, and I would think \u201cI can\u2019t do it,\u201d i.e. try to confront W about what happened last year and clear my anger and pain before we go into this solstice.\u00a0 But I think that\u2019s an impossible hope.\u00a0 When we tried to talk to her last year, she didn\u2019t get it at all.\u00a0 So I think it\u2019s better to protect myself from her, and be as clear as possible about what we do.<\/p>\n
Had a private session with Hugh yesterday.\u00a0 He has actually trained in S.E. \u2014 Jack told him to.\u00a0 Since I was feeling basically OK at that point, I asked what to do when the tough times come.\u00a0 He could only remind me of what I already knew: come back to the body, the breathing, the present moment.\u00a0 Recite the phrases even if they seem meaningless and useless.\u00a0 Remind myself that I\u2019ve come out before and I will come out again.\u00a0 Hugh commiserated about the fact that things that once worked (the Chalice Well, the Ocean of Compassion) or often worked (reminding myself of the traumatized baby) occasionally don\u2019t work.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it was like last week \u2014 none of my resources were available.\u00a0 All I could do was sit in the present with my breath and the pain in my heart.\u00a0 Thinking \u201csoften around\u201d didn\u2019t help.\u00a0 I see now that my habit of making myself wrong for everything, especially when something \u201cdoesn\u2019t work\u201d, doesn\u2019t help at all and just adds another layer of invalidation and stoniness.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think of forgiving myself for not being able to make it change.<\/p>\n
WHAT TO DO WHEN THINGS GET STUCK
\npay attention to breath and body, to weight
\ncome into the present moment
\nrecite the phrases to affirm my intention, even if they feel meaningless
\n\u201cI\u2019ve come out before and I will come out again.\u201d
\nimagine Little Jenny with the Dar Gorani look
\n\u201cI forgive myself for not being able to make it change.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008) I realize that just through doing the meditation I\u2019ve begun to tease apart the tangled feelings in my heart and am also beginning to feel more strong and clear about what to do … Continue reading