{"id":3047,"date":"2012-08-11T08:25:20","date_gmt":"2012-08-11T12:25:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=3047"},"modified":"2012-08-11T08:25:20","modified_gmt":"2012-08-11T12:25:20","slug":"struggle-with-self-hate-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=3047","title":{"rendered":"Struggle with Self-hate"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in December 2008)
\nSitting here doing computer solitaire when a bobcat walked by the bird feeder.\u00a0 I got the binoculars and went into the bedroom and watched him walk along the upper level and turn into the logging road.\u00a0 I went down to check with Eleanor and she got out a book and yes it was a bobcat.\u00a0 She said it was unusual, and I should check the animal books.
\nI told her I was struggling with self -hate.\u00a0 She understood how hard that is.\u00a0 She said she was able to shift it one time by cutting off hateful thoughts and doing the lovingkindness prayer.\u00a0 But I actually don\u2019t have self-hating thoughts, I deduce it from the energy of wrongness and badness of me, and my difficulty finding any compassion for myself.\u00a0 I did tell her my version of the lovingkindness prayer that I\u2019ve been using, and a lot of feelings came up.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been reciting it without feeling or meaning the past couple of days.\u00a0 She said there was a woman who did the program of the Grief Recovery Institute<\/a>, and nothing happened, so the helper told her she should do it over again with a witness<\/span>.\u00a0 That made the difference.\u00a0 I think for those of us who had inadequate, distorted, and\/or nonexistent mirroring in infancy, the witness is crucial.<\/p>\n

I looked up Bobcat in both the Animal Energies and the Animal-Speak books.\u00a0 They both talked about a key quality being independence.\u00a0 You may be solitary, or need to be solitary, you need to trust your own judgement, feelings etc.\u00a0 There was a suggestion that maybe you were being alone too much which I think is what it is about for me.<\/p>\n

Lovingkindness prayer:
\nMay I be safe
\nMay I be happy
\nMay I be healthy
\nMay I live with ease<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in December 2008) Sitting here doing computer solitaire when a bobcat walked by the bird feeder.\u00a0 I got the binoculars and went into the bedroom and watched him walk along the upper level and turn into the logging road.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,8,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3047","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breakdown","category-depression","category-spirit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3047","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3047"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3047\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3047"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3047"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3047"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}