(Written in September 2009)
\nWalked in to Caryn\u2019s feeling pretty good.\u00a0 I told her about being able to use the idea of finding the relatively more comfortable place, and how I\u2019ve been talking to the baby, feeling the uncomfortable feelings with her so she won\u2019t have to be alone.\u00a0 Caryn was pleased, these are strong signs of healing.\u00a0 I also told her about Kayla complaining about not knowing what to do, and being unhappy being alone, and I was able to reflect back, \u201cYou\u2019re feeling confused, bummed out, and angry,\u201d but didn\u2019t take on responsibility.\u00a0 She asked how that felt, and I said the strength was in my turtle shell at the back.\u00a0 Earlier I had been hunching my shoulders and pulling my head down between them and I said I felt like a turtle.\u00a0 Caryn told me she\u2019d seen a lot of turtles in their lake when she went out in a boat, and also about watching a big turtle in the Caribbean lay her eggs and then cover them with sand.\u00a0 I really like the turtle shell image, it reminds me of having backup, resources to fall back on, also that mother can\u2019t attack me from the back, but in front I\u2019m open.\u00a0 At one point, I don\u2019t remember now what brought it up, there was a weight in my heart.\u00a0 It was actually big, a big egg shape, made out of mud, and it took up space from my heart to my abdomen.\u00a0 There seemed to be a lot of grief, so I cried, and wailed and sang, even sang \u201cit is not kept, or guarded, or cared for … the soil cannot keep them any more.\u201d It felt like huge grief for the earth and all the damage we are doing.\u00a0 I spoke some angry thoughts too: \u201cCan\u2019t you see what you are doing?\u201d and \u201cYou did your best to kill her, but she survived.\u201d I talked about the \u201ctough little drip that just wouldn\u2019t quit,\u201d and how I love her, and how she got me this far, and now I want her to have a chance to feel safe and rest.\u00a0 I did some work with my face, feeling the tension, feeling the mask like a layer of wax.\u00a0 Finally got into supported child pose for the last 15 minutes of the session.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in September 2009) Walked in to Caryn\u2019s feeling pretty good.\u00a0 I told her about being able to use the idea of finding the relatively more comfortable place, and how I\u2019ve been talking to the baby, feeling the uncomfortable feelings … Continue reading