{"id":2684,"date":"2012-05-22T09:03:33","date_gmt":"2012-05-22T13:03:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=2684"},"modified":"2012-05-22T09:03:33","modified_gmt":"2012-05-22T13:03:33","slug":"somatic-experiencing-30","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=2684","title":{"rendered":"Somatic Experiencing"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in September 2009)
\nSession with Caryn.\u00a0 My corner was dismantled so I demanded it be set up and squinched right into it and started to cry while she was still bringing pillows.\u00a0 She sat next to me and put her hands on my knee.\u00a0 I talked about Katie<\/a> and the period when she was learning to self-regulate, but could only do it when she was physically present with her foster mom.\u00a0 (Suddenly I\u2019m seeing why being with my friends, even if we aren\u2019t doing grief work, is helping me to self-regulate.) Caryn said her body was helping my body self-regulate.\u00a0 I did a lot of the usual discharge: shoulders hunching, yawning.\u00a0 I tried to get as small as possible, I expressed anger.\u00a0 At one point there was a sensation in my belly \u2014 on the surface, it was rounded and a little stiff, and very intense, almost burning, I couldn\u2019t tell if it was hot or cold and if it wanted to expand or not.\u00a0 I tracked it for a while and then realized it was like a soundless scream.\u00a0 Once I understood that, it faded.\u00a0 Writing now I see it as a bubble expanding, that wants to get bigger and pop, but is afraid to.\u00a0 After a while I was so tired I collapsed over my legs.\u00a0 Then I lay on my back with knees up, mostly tracking tension and discharge in my face.\u00a0 Finally I got into a supported child pose so my face could completely relax.\u00a0 Caryn recommends that I do that often during the day.
\nWhen it was time to leave, I felt a sinking of heart, and again, driving north, a wave of fear.\u00a0 So I talked to the terrorized infant inside myself, I told her it was OK for her to have her feelings of terror and despair, and that I would stay there in them with her, I would feel them too, and not leave her.\u00a0 I said it was hard work but I was willing to do it.\u00a0 That seemed to help.
\nI\u2019m seeing that the work with Caryn is on a very subtle but deep level.\u00a0 There are no \u201cbreakthroughs\u201d because of the need to titrate this intense material.\u00a0 So I have a feeling of discouragement when I leave.\u00a0 But in fact, I\u2019m doing the work (and it is exhausting) but it may take a long time, months, maybe years.\u00a0 So I really need to help of my friends to hold me while I do this hard and difficult work.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in September 2009) Session with Caryn.\u00a0 My corner was dismantled so I demanded it be set up and squinched right into it and started to cry while she was still bringing pillows.\u00a0 She sat next to me and put … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-somatic-experiencing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2684","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2684"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2684\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}