(Written in September 2009)
\nSpent some time talking to Lynelle, sitting out on her front porch.\u00a0 We were talking about therapy \u2014 she said she thought people only did it because they had leisure and wealth, or they were forced to like she was.\u00a0 She said she thought people didn\u2019t do it because they weren\u2019t aware that such an option exists.\u00a0 They dealt with the pain by denial, addiction to drugs or work, or some other compulsive behavior.\u00a0 I told Lynelle I used to feel guilty that I had the leisure and money to be in therapy \u2014 as tho it was a luxury.\u00a0 I said I felt bad because I didn\u2019t pay my own way (I meant earn my own living).\u00a0 She was surprised, she said I do pay my own way, she\u2019s the one who doesn\u2019t, who lives off other people (she’s on disability).\u00a0 I said I live off other people too, that\u2019s capitalism.\u00a0 What was really interesting to me was that during the whole conversation I didn\u2019t feel guilty, didn\u2019t feel that my work on myself is \u201cself indulgent.\u201d\u00a0 Instead I felt very strongly that my work on myself changes the human energy field, and helps improve life for everybody.\u00a0 I was really surprised to find how solid this belief is.<\/p>\n
I asked Lynelle about what\u2019s been puzzling me, how can I tell I\u2019m doing good work with Caryn, I don\u2019t go into those awful painful states like I did last winter, and things in my adult life have improved e.g. not being triggered by S\u2019s remarks.\u00a0 BUT, the infant part of me is still having a very hard time when Caryn is gone.\u00a0 Lynelle said that deep stuff takes the longest \u2014 because it is so deep, so early, almost entirely non-verbal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen this myself, how the newer hurts get healed more quickly, the older ones are much more difficult \u2014 they\u2019re built into the very foundations of my life.\u00a0 I think I was afraid that we were working on the newer stuff and somehow bypassing the old.\u00a0 But in fact I think we are working on that old deep stuff: when I\u2019m with Caryn and my body is learning self-regulation from her body, and when I work with the practice of paying attention, finding the relatively more comfortable place, allowing what ever discharge comes up.<\/p>\n
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(Written in September 2009) Spent some time talking to Lynelle, sitting out on her front porch.\u00a0 We were talking about therapy \u2014 she said she thought people only did it because they had leisure and wealth, or they were forced … Continue reading