(Written in January 2009)
\nYesterday was pretty tough, even in the evening I was having waves of that deadly heavy feeling that I have trouble naming.\u00a0 Heavy duty cold despair: \u201cWhat\u2019s the point.\u201d Fortunately it doesn\u2019t last long.
\nOne thing I remembered & thought about was the time I imagined all the Jennys who were involved in one of those tangles: the traumatized baby, the tough little drip who just won\u2019t quit, etc.\u00a0 It was comforting to me, and I wonder about trying it again now.\u00a0 There\u2019s one who\u2019s feeling completely despairing, finding it much too hard to keep going, one that\u2019s totally overwhelmed and can\u2019t move at all, one that\u2019s scared if I don\u2019t do something I\u2019ll be stuck here forever.\u00a0 There\u2019s one who wants to be loving, but her heart is frozen \u2014 she\u2019s in too much pain fear and despair, and another one is angry at herself for not being able to just overcome the pain and loss and misery.\u00a0 O gosh I can feel a softening in my heart when I think about her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in January 2009) Yesterday was pretty tough, even in the evening I was having waves of that deadly heavy feeling that I have trouble naming.\u00a0 Heavy duty cold despair: \u201cWhat\u2019s the point.\u201d Fortunately it doesn\u2019t last long. One thing … Continue reading