{"id":2376,"date":"2012-02-15T09:22:58","date_gmt":"2012-02-15T14:22:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=2376"},"modified":"2012-02-15T09:22:58","modified_gmt":"2012-02-15T14:22:58","slug":"the-will-of-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=2376","title":{"rendered":"The Will of God"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m SO TIRED. and feeling very empty \u2014 of meaning, of reason to go on.\u00a0 Lynelle brought me the Cynthia Bourgeault CD\u2019s on the \u201cWisdom Jesus.\u201d<\/a>\u00a0 I remember listening to them driving down to Kripalu and back.\u00a0 I really liked her.\u00a0 Lynelle recommended CD #6 which was \u201cpractices\u201d, and the specific practice on Track 7.\u00a0 So I listened to it.\u00a0 She talks about being \u201cavailable to god on a very deep level.\u201d\u00a0 I was surprised to feel resistance.\u00a0 I had just been talking to god while walking the dog, saying that if they really wanted me to do the Sacred Sites program and the Sacred Calendar, then they had to give me some help.\u00a0 So I think, as I continue to struggle with roadblocks, that \u201cgod\u201d has turned back into the judgmental, punitive god based on my alcoholic parents who made me wrong for needing help, gave me no support at all, told me \u201cWhy did you try if you didn\u2019t know how to do it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sitting here puzzling about all this, I ask myself what do I really want?\u00a0 Do I want to do the Will of God?\u00a0 Do I want to be available to God on the deep level?\u00a0 Do I want to do the Sacred Sites program if it\u2019s not God\u2019s will?\u00a0 If God wanted me not to do it would I drop it?\u00a0 I think the difficulty I\u2019m having is that god has reverted to alcoholic parents.\u00a0 I\u2019ve lost the welcoming god at the gate of heaven, and the Red Woman\u2019s presence who loves everything I do.\u00a0 She was with me briefly on the walk, but I couldn\u2019t sustain her presence, it\u2019s just something I\u2019m making up, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

So then I ask \u2014 how do I understand the \u201cwill of god\u201d?\u00a0 I think of the huge love that is presently creating the Universe.\u00a0 I think of Spirit, who clearly sent me on the trip on the Argonaut around the \u201cIsland World of Britain\u201d where I saw Callanish for the first time.\u00a0 Spirit, who cleverly arranged for me to meet John Garber, thus starting the chain of events that led to Knocknarae and Stonehenge.\u00a0 But that\u2019s thinking.\u00a0 What I feel are the roadblocks, the lack of energy or enthusiasm for the project.\u00a0 It feels like \u201csurrendering to the will of god\u201d means relaxing and stopping trying so hard.\u00a0 It reminds me of the time when I wrenched myself away from the desire for a particular shell, and what happened was an abundance of shells<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 How do I wrench myself away from this project?<\/p>\n

So I got up and started the prunes.\u00a0 Normally I do my stretches while they’re cooking, but I\u2019m wondering whether or not to push myself.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking maybe it\u2019s the constant effort, effort, effort that tires me out.\u00a0 I also wondered this morning if it had to do with not seeing enough people?\u00a0 I remember Lynelle telling me that babies get lethargic if they don\u2019t get enough attention.<\/p>\n

It occurred to me that I could use Martha Beck<\/a>\u2019s \u201cshackles on\u201d and \u201cshackles off\u201d to help me negotiate this day.\u00a0 No shackles, so I built a fire.\u00a0 But I am feeling \u201cshackles on\u201d about doing roll & pour, fire breath, balance box.\u00a0 At least my ribs are better today, I could put logs in the stove with my right arm.<\/p>\n

Lynelle referred me to Cynthia\u2019s quote from a Sufi master, Kabir Helminski<\/a>: \u201cThe person who makes all cares into one care, the care for simply staying present, will be cared for by that presence which is creative love.\u201d\u00a0 I found that very helpful.\u00a0 No matter how tired and discouraged I am, I can always be present to tiredness and discouragement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m SO TIRED. and feeling very empty \u2014 of meaning, of reason to go on.\u00a0 Lynelle brought me the Cynthia Bourgeault CD\u2019s on the \u201cWisdom Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 I remember listening to them driving down to Kripalu and back.\u00a0 I really liked … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2376","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-journal","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2376","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2376"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2376\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2376"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2376"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2376"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}