(Written in September 2006)
\nYesterday, I made a conscious decision to take care of the traumatized baby \u2014 to make her my first priority \u2014 that was partly why I lost myself in a book \u2014 because that\u2019s the only way I know to really give myself a rest from \u201csoldiering on\u201d.\u00a0 It does feel like I have been able to shift something, managed to get back from the political limb, managed to get back to the baby as first priority.\u00a0 What I haven\u2019t been able to get to is some sense of feeling good about taking care of myself.\u00a0 I did manage to brush and floss my teeth \u2014 usually a good sign.\u00a0 I see, it\u2019s \u201csoldiering on\u201d but in a different direction.\u00a0 Taking care of myself is much harder than, say, doing the political stuff \u2014 typing up essays and posting them on the website, etc is much easier than taking a bath.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t done the oil massage in ages.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t even washed my hair in a week.\u00a0 I have had some quick showers.\u00a0 But the long slow bath and beauty ritual that a lot of women seem to enjoy isn’t something I do. I think Kayla really enjoys her morning shower and putting on her makeup \u2014 she said something yesterday about how much she enjoyed it when she slows down.\u00a0 I envy her.\u00a0 When I slow down, I feel the discomfort that can only be kept at bay by constant activity.
\nWhat am I feeling right now?\u00a0 Cold across my chest.\u00a0 It feels like there is a black ocean of pain, submerging me to my heart, surrounding the planet.\u00a0 Yes, there is so much pain.\u00a0 I\u2019m wearing a black-and-white prisoners bracelet from Tibet, and my black-and-white Tibetan Terrier is curled up next to me and I\u2019m aware that one day she will be gone…<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t do it \u2014 I can\u2019t call my senators and tell them to vote against the surveillance and detainee bills \u2014 I can just feel that it\u2019s too much of a stretch today.\u00a0 I\u2019m sitting here in pain and tears \u2014\u2014 OK, if I can\u2019t call, I can pray: Let hearts be changed in the Senate so they refuse to pass bills that curtail our civil liberties.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in September 2006) Yesterday, I made a conscious decision to take care of the traumatized baby \u2014 to make her my first priority \u2014 that was partly why I lost myself in a book \u2014 because that\u2019s the only … Continue reading