I took the collage down to Caryn, and did my best to interpret it.\u00a0 I said how I\u2019d been a little disappointed at first, but the addition of Bella and the dancers really brought it together.\u00a0 How did that feel in my body? Arms & legs were muscle and bone, but my torso was full of little particles full of energy.\u00a0 Caryn suggested that they might be twinkling which sounded right.\u00a0 I was SO TIRED that I went down flat on the floor as I did with Kevin.\u00a0 I said I felt like I\u2019d been cut into a bunch of pieces and whirled around in a dryer.\u00a0 As I lay there, they settled down, somewhat like my collage.\u00a0 Then they gained form & weight, became 3-dimensional, a sort of pile of cut up things, not yet integrated.\u00a0 I saw that they needed to be allowed to integrate in their own way.\u00a0 Finally I got tired of lying patiently and needed to move.\u00a0 We went up to Kevin\u2019s studio so I could roll & pour on the carpet.\u00a0 Then I collapsed again but couldn\u2019t get comfortable.\u00a0 Caryn suggested I stop trying to change the discomfort and just be with it.\u00a0 There was an odd tension on the right side of my face, and discomfort in my belly.\u00a0 Then I noticed I was finding breathing difficult so I rolled over & put my hand to my face to open the right nostril the way I do when I go to sleep.\u00a0 Finally Caryn suggested we sit in zazen which actually felt good.<\/p>\n
Driving home I thought about what it felt like to have integration needing to happen, and how it felt when it was happening.\u00a0 This is new for me, I think because it is NOT a conscious process, so I can\u2019t think about it or write about it.\u00a0 I just have to let it happen. In fact, it\u2019s a good idea to distract the cerebral cortex with some task so it won\u2019t interfere with the integration process which is taking place on the subconscious or unconscious levels.\u00a0 I find that my \u201cmindless practices\u201d of playing computer solitaire and doing puzzles turn out to be very good activities for this purpose.\u00a0 So instead of thinking of them as a useless waste of time, I do them consciously with the understanding that they are helping the process of integration.\u00a0 Reading also works, but it has to be something easy, with a happy ending.\u00a0 I find that reading old favorites, like Brother Cadfael and my Elizabeth Goudge books, works the best.\u00a0 Painting or collage would also work, but I find it very hard to get started which is sad.\u00a0 I know this is because these activities weren\u2019t supported by my childhood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I took the collage down to Caryn, and did my best to interpret it.\u00a0 I said how I\u2019d been a little disappointed at first, but the addition of Bella and the dancers really brought it together.\u00a0 How did that feel … Continue reading