(Written in December 2009)
\nWent down to Caryn.\u00a0 Felt scared on the way down \u2014 not sure why \u2014 maybe because seeing her hadn\u2019t helped on Monday.\u00a0 At one point she asked me to look at the me of Monday from outside, and I felt a great wave of compassion \u2014 she\u2019s going full speed ahead and full speed reverse at the same time.\u00a0 When I first got in there & sat in my in my corner I felt a little quiver of fear in my stomach.\u00a0 As I surrendered to it my body drooped more and more, and it faded.\u00a0 Then I asked for a cushion\/barrier.\u00a0 It surprises me how I\u2019m able to relax when part of me is hidden.\u00a0 Caryn sat next to me and I leaned over against her shoulder and put my arm over the barrier to hold her hand.\u00a0 Then I began to slide down.\u00a0 She suggested she make a space between her legs and I could sit there and lean against her chest like I do with Karen.\u00a0 I felt a tiny little bit hesitant but then I wanted to do it.\u00a0 She had to put a cushion between us \u201cbecause I\u2019m so bony.\u201d It was very comfortable and I just relaxed more and more, and slid down until she was supporting my head.\u00a0 I did some tremendous yawns, it surprises me how many muscles I can feel in my jaw.\u00a0 I felt a lot better when I left and I feel better now after writing about it.\u00a0 I notice how exquisitely sensitive I am to what people do or say, how easily I can be triggered into fear or depression.\u00a0 At least I am also beginning to self-regulate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in December 2009) Went down to Caryn.\u00a0 Felt scared on the way down \u2014 not sure why \u2014 maybe because seeing her hadn\u2019t helped on Monday.\u00a0 At one point she asked me to look at the me of Monday … Continue reading