(Written in December 2009)
\nSaw Caryn yesterday.\u00a0 It was good to see her.\u00a0 I told her a little about how the week had been and then began to pay attention to my body.\u00a0 Odd, sad, heavy feelings, more in my stomach than in my heart.\u00a0 Gradually I found that my body wanted to shrink and hide.\u00a0 Caryn brought me a blanket and a square flat cushion.\u00a0 I held the cushion in front of me and that felt right except that I wasn\u2019t entirely hidden.\u00a0 I put the blanket over my knees and held up the cushion.\u00a0 Then I started peeking over the top and around the sides.\u00a0 Caryn was smiling at me.\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember how it went on \u2014 there was laughter and then some tears.\u00a0\u00a0 At one point, still hiding behind the cushion, I reached out and grabbed her knee so I\u2019d know she was there.\u00a0 She asked me to feel her presence through the cushion, but I couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 More than once, feeling how strange and scary this was, I said \u201cthat poor little kid.\u201d What an impoverished childhood.\u00a0 It took quite a while for me to be comfortable coming out from behind the cushion.\u00a0 Then I leaned against the wall and my neck felt stiff.\u00a0 I asked if I could get on the table.\u00a0 So we spent the last 30 minutes with me on the table and Caryn put her hands on my knees, shoulders, neck and feet.\u00a0 I was able to have some sense of my body drinking it in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in December 2009) Saw Caryn yesterday.\u00a0 It was good to see her.\u00a0 I told her a little about how the week had been and then began to pay attention to my body.\u00a0 Odd, sad, heavy feelings, more in my … Continue reading