{"id":1896,"date":"2011-09-23T08:48:24","date_gmt":"2011-09-23T12:48:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1896"},"modified":"2011-09-23T08:48:24","modified_gmt":"2011-09-23T12:48:24","slug":"dont-want-to-live","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1896","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Want to Live"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in June 2004)
\nDear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m having a pretty bad time.\u00a0 I wanted to die this morning \u2014 I\u2019m just sick & tired of being Jenny \u2014 she\u2019s too much burden and not enough reward.\u00a0 Please help me.
\n\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Dear Jenny, relax.\u00a0 Breathe.\u00a0 Feel the couch and the floor holding you up.\u00a0 You are held up \u2014 by the Ocean of Compassion which is there for you.\u00a0 We are all around you, too.\u00a0 Supporting you.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to let yourself rest on this support.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to stop trying to hold yourself up.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to let yourself down into that place of not wanting to live.\u00a0 This is the real courage, to face this darkness, not trying to make it go away.\u00a0 We know, and you know, that you are not going to kill yourself.\u00a0 So it\u2019s OK to be here.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to rest here.\u00a0 You will die some day, and lay down the burden of being Jenny.\u00a0 You can lay down the burden now.\u00a0 Let us carry it for a while.\u00a0 Dear dear Jenny, you are needed here on the planet at this time.\u00a0 Even with all your wounds.\u00a0 Your wounds are not yours but the earth\u2019s.\u00a0 You do not need to do anything more than bring compassion to your wounded self.\u00a0 And when you can\u2019t do that, when you are angry and hating yourself for \u201cnot doing better\u201d we are still here, you are still held in compassion.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK to be angry at yourself for \u201cnot doing better\u201d \u2014 see! The moment you become conscious of it, it changes.\u00a0 Of course you have compassion for this woman who is hating herself for being deeply wounded.\u00a0 How could you not?\u00a0 Your heart went out to your mother when she said \u201cI\u2019m not liking myself very much right now.\u201d You are the hardest person for you to open your heart to: your own worst enemy, your heaviest burden, the \u201cleast of these\u201d.\u00a0 But you are doing it.\u00a0 You are doing the work.\u00a0 You never quit.\u00a0 Being courageous enough to sit with yourself in the \u201cdon\u2019t want to live\u201d place IS the work.\u00a0 Well done, dear.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in June 2004) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m having a pretty bad time.\u00a0 I wanted to die this morning \u2014 I\u2019m just sick & tired of being Jenny \u2014 she\u2019s too much burden and not enough reward.\u00a0 Please … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-guidance"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1896"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}