{"id":1726,"date":"2011-07-30T19:02:22","date_gmt":"2011-07-30T23:02:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1726"},"modified":"2011-07-30T19:03:54","modified_gmt":"2011-07-30T23:03:54","slug":"resilience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1726","title":{"rendered":"Resilience"},"content":{"rendered":"

I want to write about how different this time is from all the other times when I felt good for a while and said things like \u201cnow that I\u2019ve finally made it\u201d or \u201cnow that I\u2019ve fought my\u00a0 way through\u201d only to find, two weeks or six months later that I\u2019m back in the Pit, \u201cfeeling as bad as I\u2019ve ever felt\u201d and complaining \u201cI\u2019ve worked so hard for so long and still haven\u2019t gotten anywhere.\u201d\u00a0 When I read through my old journals and come across one of these statements that I\u2019m \u201call better now\u201d I feel a little embarrassed knowing what\u2019s going to happen.\u00a0 I\u2019ve posted some of these, but with a warning from the future. (See March 3, 2011<\/a> and February 23, 2011<\/a>.)
\nThis time I haven\u2019t felt like I \u201cfinally\u201d got somewhere, that\u2019s such a simple idea, that one could be \u201call better\u201d from PTSD, or from any major wounding.\u00a0 Now I have a much better sense of what might be called \u201cnormal ups & downs.\u201d\u00a0 I know there was a point, actually not that long ago (see April 17, 2011<\/a>) that I had a sense of getting to the top of the cliff, not having to \u201cclimb\u201d any more, and being able to walk around and explore new territory.<\/p>\n

Today I\u2019m feeling a little blue, and I\u2019m just hanging out with it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not afraid that it\u2019s the start of a long slide downhill.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had enough experiences of coming out of this sort of mood in a few hours or a few days to be able to hang out with it with compassion.\u00a0 I\u2019m not angry at myself for being down again.\u00a0 Instead of tensing my body in resistance, trying to hold myself up out of the quicksand of depression, I\u2019m relaxing, letting my weight settle down, being here in the present with it.\u00a0 I have faith, based on experience, that I will come out.\u00a0 This is different from telling myself \u201cYou\u2019ve come out before and you\u2019ll come out again\u201d which is only an intellectual knowing, not the visceral knowing that results in real change.\u00a0 Instead of imagining \u201cI\u2019ve finally made it,\u201d I\u2019m using words like \u201cresilience\u201d and \u201cself-regulation.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cSelf-regulation\u201d essentially means I can trust my body to restore equilibrium when I become activated.\u00a0 Instead of the illusion that \u201cI\u2019m fine now and nothing bad will happen again\u201d is the reassurance that I can handle almost anything that comes at me.\u00a0 If I can\u2019t \u201chandle it\u201d I\u2019ll surrender and pop up on the other side.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want to write about how different this time is from all the other times when I felt good for a while and said things like \u201cnow that I\u2019ve finally made it\u201d or \u201cnow that I\u2019ve fought my\u00a0 way through\u201d … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-present-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1726"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1726\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}