{"id":1514,"date":"2011-05-16T08:04:54","date_gmt":"2011-05-16T12:04:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1514"},"modified":"2011-12-24T20:09:19","modified_gmt":"2011-12-25T01:09:19","slug":"via-negativa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1514","title":{"rendered":"Via Negativa"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in November 2008)
\nReading Natural Grace<\/a> by Sheldrake & Fox.\u00a0 I started the chapter on prayer and found Matthew Fox on the via negativa: \u201cThe negative way is the way of darkness, suffering, silence, letting go, and even nothingness.\u00a0 Emptying.\u00a0 All these are prayer: experiencing silence; being emptied of images, verbal, oral, and imaginative; letting go; and suffering.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just about asking to be relieved from our suffering, it\u2019s about entering into the process, to learn.\u201d p115\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s where I am now, that\u2019s really all I can see to do.\u00a0 Entering into my suffering instead of resisting it, making myself wrong for it, etc.\u00a0 The truth is, I have nothing else to offer.\u00a0 I wish I were one of those people who is able to find hope when things are really bad, and be an inspiration to others.\u00a0 But that slides too easily into the cultural ideal: Rise above suffering, refuse to give in, deny and repress and carry on \u2014 all of which is unhealthy.\u00a0 So maybe it\u2019s my job to do the work that most people are refusing: to open to my own suffering and be there for myself with compassion.\u00a0 When Fox talks about praise, it feels like an assignment I\u2019m failing.\u00a0 When he talks about the piercing beauty of the world I feel cut open, vulnerable, raw and full of pain.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201c…that you were not adequate to the amount of the pain that was entrusted to you.\u201d I\u2019ve done my best, and my best isn\u2019t good enough\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014\u2014\u2014 and what kind of impossible expectation is that, DAMMIT!!\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014\u2014 but it\u2019s also true that \u201cmy best\u201d can\u2019t be enough to save the world, or stop me from aging and death.\u00a0 So then my best has to be to show up, pay attention, tell the truth, let go of results.\u00a0 To be present to the experience of aging and death with as much compassion and grace as I can muster.<\/p>\n

That quote about the \u201cmagnitude of the pain\u201d goes on to say \u201cYou are called upon to meet it in joy instead of self-pity.\u201d\u00a0 No way I can manage joy.\u00a0 Yes I have fallen into self-pity.\u00a0 O but what about having some compassion for myself?\u00a0 That feels more true and eases my heart a little.\u00a0 Then I think if I can\u2019t meet it in joy, at least I had a feeling of willingness, of this is something I can actually do.\u00a0 That\u2019s got to be good enough.<\/p>\n

There is another version of this quote which says “You are called upon to meet it in compassion… ”\u00a0 possibly from Kornfield.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been imagining that if I had \u201creal\u201d problems to deal with \u2014 an addicted daughter, a dying parent \u2014 that it would be easier to validate my difficulties, but I find this in Kornfield: \u201cAs it turned out, sitting in the dark forest with its tigers and snakes was easier than sitting with my inner demons.\u00a0 My insecurity, loneliness, shame, and boredom came up, along with all my frustrations and hurts.\u00a0 Sitting with these took more courage than sitting in the charnel grounds.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in November 2008) Reading Natural Grace by Sheldrake & Fox.\u00a0 I started the chapter on prayer and found Matthew Fox on the via negativa: \u201cThe negative way is the way of darkness, suffering, silence, letting go, and even nothingness.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breakdown","category-spirit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1514"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1514\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}