(Written in October 2008)
\nI\u2019ve been typing journal from late August when things were starting to get bad, and again it seems like somebody else\u2019s experience.\u00a0 I describe feeling the worst despair I\u2019ve ever felt in my life, and I can\u2019t even feel a hit of it as I read my own words.\u00a0 So strange. Built a fire …\u00a0\u00a0 and nothing to say.\u00a0 I feel so relaxed.\u00a0 what a relief!<\/p>\n
Jack Kornfield: When mindfulness is focused on the process of thinking, an entirely different dimension of existence becomes visible.\u00a0 We see how our ridiculous, repetitive thought stream continually constructs our limited sense of self, with judgements, defenses, ambitions, and compensations.\u00a0 When they are unexamined, we believe them.\u00a0 But if someone were to follow us close by and repeatedly whisper to us our own thoughts, we would quickly become bored with their words.\u00a0 If they continued, we would be dismayed by their constant criticisms and fears, then angry that they wouldn\u2019t shut up.\u00a0 Finally we might simply conclude that they were crazy.\u00a0 Yet we do this to ourselves!\u00a0 p139\u00a0\u00a0 (Bought The Wise Heart<\/a> with a gift certificate from Daria)<\/p>\n This helps me understand why I got so bored, uncomfortable and angry with a friend\u2019s long stories.\u00a0 At some point they became repetitive, she was saying the same things over and over.\u00a0 I realized, reading this chapter, The Storytelling Mind, how an episode of total fear, like the one I just went through, really burns out all the stories.\u00a0 At the moment I\u2019m feeling wonderfully relaxed and free because I don\u2019t have any stories about myself.<\/p>\n The sun is shining on the trees in front of me in layers.\u00a0 Which trunks or which set of leaves are lit keeps changing.\u00a0 It is so beautiful!\u00a0 And I can sit here, relaxed and waiting and open, and allow it to nourish me.\u00a0 Joy!\u00a0 What that feels like in my body is an energy that expands from center and makes me feel warm and full.\u00a0 Hydrated.\u00a0 Plump.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Written in October 2008) I\u2019ve been typing journal from late August when things were starting to get bad, and again it seems like somebody else\u2019s experience.\u00a0 I describe feeling the worst despair I\u2019ve ever felt in my life, and I … Continue reading